I have been bad...

I have been a little detached lately. Not all that into writing. I have been working out my love and my life and so far I am doing ok.

My roommate is moving in with her fiancé. That’s all cool, but it left me in a bad place. Really, I want her to be happy, but in her happiness I have basically lost my house. On May 15th, provided our landlord finds a new tenant, I will be putting my life in storage and moving into my mom’s. Heh, 33 and living with mom. The very cool thing, my mom rocks. She is amazing and wonderful and loving and will help me get back on track in this painful economy. I am looking into school again. I will look for work, but my priority is to destress and try to find some joy in life. Mom is willing to let me take the time to do that and I can not express to her how much that means to me. I have many decisions to make in the upcoming months and it will be nice to not be terrified while making those choices, to know I am safe and secure. My beautiful friend Marianne will be fostering for my three cats. She is a lifesaver, she and Aaron, her fiancé. They are really looking forward to having the boys there. I know they will be in great hands, I just hope there HUGE dog Peyo will be ok with it all.

I have not really been able to discuss my love life here. As it mostly does not exist. I tried to figure things out with an ex, but it just isn’t meant to be. I am ok with that, I really am. I am at peace with not being with him, but I miss so many things about him it is weird. I need to step back and let those things go, let them just be a sweet memory and not something I long for. I know this is the right thing to do. Makes my heart ache, but life goes on.

I visited with another “ex” (I use the term loosely) last night. He has become a wonderful friend and I don’t get many chances to see him so it was nice to be able to go over to his house, have him make dinner for me and fall asleep on the couch watching movies. I woke up in the guest room a little confused, but he brought me coffee in bed and everything was cool. He is such a nice guy, and would be a good “catch” except for the married bit. Yep, he is married, and his wife knows we are friends and is cool about it. I am happy for him that his marriage is so good. I have known him for years and there were times that he struggled with his marriage, and I was there for the worst of it, but things seem to be going wonderfully for him and it makes me happy.

I went to an open mike on Friday night. I wasn’t expecting to see so much talent. It was really fun. Singers, slam-poets, ranters, crazy people; they were all there. There was one artist, a singer named Evan Hadley. He was so great. We sat at the table with him, talked to him for hours; then he sang and I was smitten. The guy was awesome, on top of being super cute. Carmen took a real liking to him, which is great cause I think they would be a fun duo for dating. She is a little shy on the dating idea but I worked it for her. Got his number, talked her up, I think he will call her. It would be fun to hang with him again. If you get a chance check out his website www.evanhadley.com.

I have been focusing a lot on the person I want to be. This is such a strange time for me. I know I want to be single, I know I want to make major changes, I know I need to leave some people behind and further embrace those that are healthy and happy. It can be hard to do when you love those that you know are bad for you. But it also can be done and I am sure this is my time to clean house. I want this life, this one life I have, to be amazing, and in order for that to be, I have to be amazing. Working on it, I swear.

Kisses