Last Day of our Acquaintance

I can see too many mouths open
Too many eyes closed, ears closed
Not enough minds open
Too many legs open
Tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, do
Why isn't it why why
I don't see why I listen

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What a beautiful weekend. Mary got her Masters on Saturday. We partied late into the night (I got home at 3:30 AM and am still trying to catch up.) We had a wonderful Italian dinner and then drinks at WooHoo. Closed the night at The Shannon Arms (a friends bar in the Sunset). D and I hung out at home on Sunday, had dinner with my mom and her friends and I passed out at 10:00.

On Monday we took the bike out for a ride and had a nice breakfast. Then we met up with Carmen and Mary and went to Mary's moms’ house for a BBQ. We skipped the Lake trip so we could spend more time at Suzi's house. It was a long ride and my butt was numb when we finally arrived. I must say, with the exception of the butt issue, riding is magnificent. The bike is amazing. I had almost forgotten how freeing it is to be on a motorcycle and D is a great rider. He says I am a good passenger but I squirm (that would be the deadened ass).

I bought D a new motorcycle jacket and gloves. They are laden with Kevlar and full armor plates. The jacket is gray and black, pretty sweet. He says the gloves will stop bullets…I love living in the city.

Living in the Dark Ages

It is wonderful to see people learning how to use the internet.

It fascinates me that some people still haven't come close to the level on techie that my BF and I have readily available at our finger tips. I suppose that working in the industry for the last eight years (something silly like 16 for the man) has helped. Not only do I work and live with a geek, but I hang out with geeks all the time. Have a question about locating someone? Bat my eyelashes at my man and he is all over it. Blocking my site from unfortunates? A little kiss gets me whatever I need. He really is the best. Not only will he help me learn to develop, research, and maintain all my geeky pleasures but not one morning has gone by since he moved in that he hasn't brought me coffee in bed each morning. Thanks babe.

Today IS the day. We are leaving work at 4:30 and getting his bike! We are so excited. The minor delay was that they didn't want to give us one from the showroom floor, Valerie, our sales person, insisted it be "off the truck". So, although the man pouted, we waited the extra day.

This weekend is going to be amazing! First of all, my best friend, Pea is here for TWO weeks. She just completed her first year at Bryn Mawr in the PhD program of Research Psychology and I flew her out for a well deserved break. Mare and I picked her up at the airport and then we had an overnight at Mare's house in Bernal Heights. Mary is selling her home so she and her husband can buy a bigger place in Sonoma. Amazing what places in SF sell for, it is crazy! So Mary, Carmen and I had what may be our last "slumber party" in the home on the hill. We were up too late giggling and smoking. It was wonderful.

On Friday night we will be going to a farewell party of a women we work with here at CM. Then I think we will hit a dinner kind of thing with Carmen, Mare and her man. On Saturday we will be going to SF to see Mare get her Masters! She graduated from the Speech and Communications department. We are so proud of her. She is inspiring.

Saturday night we are having a huge dinner party at Ristorante Mare in Pacifica. It is a wonderful Italian place right on the beach.

On Sunday I am sure the BF will be off on his bike and I will be spending time with Carmen.

On Monday we will be headed to Mare's mom's house in Santa Rosa to meet with about 20 other people and then head up to Sonoma Lake for the day. We will spend several hours there baking in the sun and swimming before heading back to Mare's mom's house for a BBQ.

Life is pretty sweet.

Kisses

Lush

There are some things in life one should not be without. Lush is one of them.

I first discovered Lush through my friend Kitty. Kitty of the "Oh So Soft Skin". She took me there and spent a small fortune on me. She bought me one of everything I snuck a peek at. It was overly generous, thus is Kitty.

Since then I have been a devoted fan. I use the Body Butters every day. This isn't a cheap obsession either. These things last maybe five showers, maybe. But I can't stand to be without them. They smell good enough to eat. They make your skin feel like you are a baby again. They are essential.

Another must have is their The Strokes. My hair, which is finally its natural color, feels so soft and wonderful I could touch it all day. Although I miss the days of bright and crazy colored hair, having it natural, healthy and well treated kicks ass.

I am telling you, if you have the funds, don't ever use a grocery store bar of soap again. It ages your skin, removes healthy oils and makes you feel like a 80 year old. Spend a little people. You can't take it with you.

Kisses

Rated R for Strong Language

When I was a child, around 6 or 7, I used to torment other kids by calling them names. Names like fat, ugly, and/or stupid were abrasive insults to sling at my less fortunate peers. Vicious rumors could be spread about compulsive picking and eating habits or perpetual bed-wetters. These tidbits of information could destroy a child’s life through grade school and sometimes even beyond.

When I hit middle school the verbal tirade stepped up a notch. While I only ever picked on those that picked on others, it wasn’t uncommon to find me repeatedly punching someone in the face while calling them a slutbitchwhorecunt. As if that wasn’t enough, the rumors became tales of blowjobs behind the bleachers and made up teen pregnancies at the “hands” of the head coach. I was mean, simple-minded, and mean, but only to those I thought deserved it. A judge and jury of my adolescent colleagues; a vindictive Robin Hood, so to speak.

Around the age of 14 I met a group of girls that fascinated me. They believed that words like bitch, whore, slut and so on were base and beneath them. They never called people such names - no - they were much smarter, and intensely more ferocious than that. These girls used sarcasm and wit to put people in their place. They were not opposed to violence, which usually landed in my hands, but they preferred to make you cry with their words rather than my fists. And without fail, they would succeed at tearing apart anyone who crossed their path with ill intentions. They took me in, taught me their ways, and made me one of them.

But as time moved on, as we grew older, we began to realize something. Something that made us step back and rethink our strategy. Why fight at all? Why not remove negative people from our lives? We had a choice on who we allowed into our lives, and who we didn’t. It wasn't a “better than you” choice, it was an “I am not interested in being around people who contribute to my dysfunctional ways”. And our ways were dysfunctional. They were cruel and bitter and childish. They were not who I am or ever wanted to be. They were defensive and offensive behaviors that allowed me to steer clear of the person inside who was so sad and lonely.

By 18 I was in therapy, as were 3 of the women I had been friends with since I was 14. Amazingly, when we focused on whom we were and who we aspired to be, we found that our friendship could remain intact and that less people crossed the street when they saw us walking towards them.
We no longer resolved arguments with grievous banter; we would talk things through and listen to others. That is not to say that I was able to modify my behavior overnight. No, it took years of hard work not to raise a fist or a silver tongue at those who angered me. There are some days, even now, that I have to check my anger.

I am still friends with these women after 20 years. There are times when we talk about the “old days”, not with pleasure mind you, but with remorse and even some shame. We have accepted who we were and who we are today. We are stronger, gentler, and smarter women who use kindness instead of harshness to get through the world. It is a much more pleasant place to be.

Some Things are Better Left Unsaid

I just don't feel that way today. Things have been left unsaid too long. It pains me sometimes how cruel people can be. How selfish and rude. I make sure that I am gentle and kind with people, it is how I was raised.

My dad and step-mom are attorneys, fighting for people who have been wronged. My mom is a therapist, working with children who have insane parents, passing their insanity on to their children, making them miserable and frightened. My mom tries to see that the damage is minimized, if not erased. She has raised me to be strong, to stand up for myself, to fight for what I believe in. She also taught me to work hard, get paid a ridiculous amount of money and be sure to sock some away for things that "come up". And so I have.

I have money. It is my money that I will use to set things right. My sister works for one of the top family law attorneys in California. She has been a wonderful support for us. She let's us know what we should be asking for and what not to settle for. She is fond of telling me not to settle for anyone's bullshit. So I won't. No more bullies, not more insanity, free ride is over.

I love who I am, I love who I share my life with. I find myself angry at times that people I love have brought their ugly baggage into my serene life, but they have also brought so much love and joy that it has all been worth it. I would not trade a moment with my love or his family to be free of the sickness the baggage contained. Not one moment.

I don't hold onto anger, I let it go, it isn't good for me. So I think about all the amazing things I have in my life and it soothes me:

I have a family that is always there for me
I have a partner who loves me, cares for me and makes me laugh all day long
I have a job I love going to that pays me a wonderful salary and just gave me a specialty award ($2500) for being an exceptional employee
I have an extended family who constantly remind me of how loving I am
I have a new car (god I love my Audi)
I have a new motorcycle (well I gave it to my partner but I get to ride it)
I have my health, my sanity and my best friends Pea and Mary, who keep me healthy and sane

I have it all, so what is left to say?

Done Being Nice

I am done playing nice. I am done watching the people I love be trampled on, manipulated and threatened. I will use all my connections, all my power and ALL my money to see that things are changed. And when they are, some people will be very sorry they didn't play nice with me when they had the chance.

A little gift

He loves it!