Attractive SWF ISO a Trainwreck
Do you hate your father or your mother, or both? Better yet, if you know deep down that your parents are evil, but you're still to this day vying for their attention and love, then you're the man I've been looking for!
Like drugs? Me too! Actually, I like YOU to take drugs while I sit back and rummage through your brain to suss out little confessions and confidential information.
In addition to the above, please have the following qualities:
Inability to express emotion - I love this! I can spend the next 5 years trying to figure you out to no avail, while getting my emotional needs fulfilled via tequila shots, a vibrator, and sleazy Gold's Gym pick-up artists.
Blown-up self-image to compensate for zero self-esteem a/k/a Narcissistic Personality Disorder - Let me worship you and be blessed by your presence. Remember, there is nothing wrong with you. You're perfect already and capable of supernatural feats such as physical invincibility (nothing can break this man and he never gets sick!), causing the universe to bend to your will (for example, you need a parking spot on a crowded street and one magically opens up - you did that!), and psychically fighting off those goddamned 5th dimensional alien-beings that are trying to take over Congress. I love you for that!
Commitmentphobic - Now this is sexy and guaranteed to drag out a 2-month fling over a decade! Don't worry, I'm one too. Everytime I start pulling away and getting a little tired of our games, you can come chase me and reignite my passion for you. Then when I start getting a little too close for comfort, you head for the hills! It's Cat n' Mouse at its finest!
A bit of larceny in your heart - Nothing's more fun than a little B&E and stealing some small meaningless items i.e. salt & pepper shakers. Theft not your thing? I'm also up for getting drunk on Mickeys’ and peeing on rich people's cars. I'll get the tires, tailpipes and fenders, you get the windows and doorhandles. Extra points for setting off the alarm.
Inept at Initimacy – Do you cringe at the thought of holding my hand, giving me a backrub, hugging, kissing, cunnilingus, private conversations and cuddling? Or, does the foregoing just seem pointless since, deep down, I should already know how you really feel about me? If either of the above are true, that’s great! I don’t need that shit either! We can just fuck at night before we go to bed, preferably doggy-style while you rub my clit until its numb. I’ll fake an orgasm so that we seem to simultaneously climax and then you can just rollover and go to sleep. I’ll finish off in the bathroom with Palmela and for a few passive-aggressive kicks, I’ll use the backside of your only pair of wearable pants to clean myself up. You’ll be looking mighty fine at work tomorrow with giz all over your booty. Now, isn’t all this MORE than enough? That’s what I’m saying!
Have a wandering eye – Simply put, I love beating the shit out of would-be interlopers. My eyes are sure to wander too, so you be the same.
The “Teddy-Bear” Ploy or When a man tells a woman, “ . . . but when you really get to know me, I’m actually a nice guy/sensitive sweet man/Teddy-Bear inside.” - Now most women who have been around the block, know that the Teddy Bear Ploy is a big load of shit. But I love that shit! I have that shit too! I want to fall in love with what you COULD BE, not who you ARE. As long as I have an insecurity, I’ll have the power to perpetuate my delusions indefinitely. You be the same.
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