My ego suffered a rather good blow today. I didn't expect it. I couldn't have even known it was coming because I was so enmeshed within it I was blind to the possibility. Damn if it didn't knock me on my ass.
It isn't like I pretend that I am selfless, or that I don't know that I am fragile, but I have realized that sometimes I become so self-involved that one very small thing can take me out at the knees and my ego makes me its bitch.
I value self-awareness more than almost anything else in the people I let into my life. I try very hard to own my mistakes. To look at the way I treat people, and if I feel like it isn't as kind and gentle as I need it to be, I try to correct myself immediately. I am not perfect. Sometimes it will take me days to realize how wrong I have been and take action. I am sure there are hundreds of times I could have done "it" differently, but I make the effort everyday in hopes of one day being the person I desire to be when I grow up.
I feel so detached from myself today that I just stare and stare in the mirror in hopes of seeing myself looking back. Right now I simply don't know where I have disappeared to but I sure hope I can find my way back to me.
xoks
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