I have been a bad girl. No postings in over a week. Been kinda busy, and a little lazy I guess. Lura and I are moving on Wednesday, so there is a ton of things that need to be done. Our house is such a wreck it is hard to want to be home. I look around and it makes me tired. Everything is falling apart since we are in such disarray and as a Virgo, it is making me a little crazy. I am so overwhelmed at the moment, I just want to curl up in bed and ignore it all. BUT instead, I think I will plan it all out and get moving when I am done here.
I have been sick for a couple of weeks now. I can't seem to kick this achy feeling in my body, which isn't helping me to do the things I need to do. I need to find work is what I need to do. I am going stir crazy at this point. I have had a few good phone interviews, but nothing's biting so far. I have decided that once I move, all I am going to do is look. I will work retail for now if need be, unemployment isn't cutting it. Next Friday I am meeting with an agency that places people with law firms. The position I am applying for pays between $100-$150k a year. I nearly choked when she told me. It is a really senior position with the firm, something I could really dig. Not just the senior title and the huge pay, but the law firm in general, seeing as how I would like to go to law school at some point. I will not get my hopes up, but I will wow them if given the chance.
So I was at a bar with friends last night. The Shannon Arms (duh) after a nice Indian dinner with Carmen, Livia, Mary, and Emmit. Emmit's folks own the Shannon so it is the place to go, smoke, drink tea (they are from Ireland, there is ALWAYS tea brewing) and just fuck around with friends. Paul Alaga, Neil, Kelly and Jarred joined us. Kelly and Paul are a new item, so they were in their own world, Jarred has the hots for Livia, so they were pretty focused, Emmit was sorta working, so he was off doing his thing, which left Mary, Carmen, Neil and I to talk. Neil is kind of a new comer for me. Carmen has hung out with him a bit, but I have talked to him maybe 3 or 4 times. He is 26 (way too young for me), Irish-American, and really really cute. He kinda knocked me to the floor when I first saw him. But him being 26 meant he wasn't someone I would even consider for anything more than a buddy. My days of being with youngin's is over. Anyway, Carmen likes Neil, which is another reason not to be bothered, and if I am seeing things correctly, he likes Carmen. Cool. EXCEPT for this; Mary and I decided to play 20 questions with Neil last night, just to get to know something about him. We covered all the basics, name, age, birthplace, siblings, schooling, favorite color, worst habit (which he refused to tell me for most of the night, but finally admitted was chewing tobacco). Then we went into more personal questions, more in-depth family, love life kinda things. All is well, at one point Carmen tries to stop us, thinking he is uncomfortable, but he basically says he is enjoying himself cause no one ever asks him about him. Then, because we are on a tangent about sexual issues, I make the mistake of asking him how he feels about gay men. Being as how a huge population of my friends are gay males, I kinda throw it out there thinking he will say what most San Francisco natives say, "no big deal, I have gay friends, it's all good" when instead I am hit with "It is morally wrong, the bible says so." I am dumbstruck. I am not kidding. I think my jaw hit the floor and I might have gone ashen. Here I was, hanging with this guy I think is really smart and nice and funny, AND BAM, he throws this at us. So now I have to recover, but I look at Mary and she has "Kill Faster Pussycat" in her eyes. She is gonna let him have it, and I think, "nope, can't do that, flies with sugar Mary, not vinegar." So I jump in. I ask him if he has ever hung out with gay men, and he says he would not put himself in that kind of situation. Now keep in mind, he is continuing to be a kind person, he shows no malice in this discussion, he is even apologizing for his upbringing, but that is who he is, he says, so for me, I just can not get angry. He means it, he was raised Irish Catholic, everyone in his world feels like he does, and he knows nothing else. Still, I am me, so... we must have discussed this topic for an hour. I tire of trying to make him see what I believe to be RIGHT (heh), and let Carmen take over with an entirely different line of questioning, and I just sit back and relax. He had made the statement that more people in this world feel like he does, and the sad truth is, he is right. Most people hate one group or another, most people aren't color blind, most people do not mind their own business, but see it as their job to judge and place themselves above other people, I think mostly out of fear, but for whatever reason, they do it and I can not change the world. I can, however make a conscious decision to not participate in such hateful endeavors and to live my life with love in my heart, even for those that do not think the way I do. As far as Neil goes, he really is a nice kid, he was just raised with some unfortunate ideas (just my personal opinion mind you) and if I chose to be friends with him, perhaps I can open his world a little. We shall see.
That being said (in short hand, believe me) I drove Mary and Livia home. Mary told me she was proud and impressed with the way I conversed with Neil. She said she wanted to tear into him, but was really amazed at how I handled him. That made me feel good. Like I could have been a bitch, but I just needed to see what he was about. In the end, even when I do not like what I am hearing, I feel the need to explore these things. Just my nature I suppose.
Kisses
I lie awake
I’ve gone to ground
I’m watching porn
In my hotel dressing gown
Now I dream of you
But I still believe
There’s only enough for one in this
Lonely hotel suite
The journey’s long
And it feels so bad
I’m thinking back to the last day we had.
Old moon fades into the new
Soon I know I’ll be back with you
I’m nearly with you
I’m nearly with you
When I’m weak I draw strength from you
And when you’re lost I know how to change your mood
And when I’m down you breathe life over me
Even though we’re miles apart we are each other’s destiny
On a clear day
I’ll fly home to you
I’m bending time getting back to you
Old moon fades into the new
Soon I know I’ll be back with you
I’m nearly with you
I’m nearly with you
When I’m weak I draw strength from you
And when you’re lost I know how to change your mood
And when I’m down you breathe life over me
Even though we’re miles apart we are each other’s destiny
When I’m weak I draw strength from you
And when you’re lost I know how to change your mood
And when I’m down you breathe life over me
Even though we’re miles apart we are each other’s destiny
I’ll fly, I’ll fly home
I’ll fly home and I’ll fly home
•Zero 7 - Destiny
No comments:
Post a Comment