Is there anything cuter than waking up to a boxer puppy licking your face? YES! There are a million things cuter and less irritating than that, let me tell you.
Mom is in Europe until the 29th and I am in charge of her zoo. D is a big help but he conveniently gets to sleep in the other room while I share a bed with a Dezi, an Anne, and a Tiki. These pups have NO sense of the word sharing. They are all over the place all night. I think I accidentally booted Tiki off the bed at some point cause I heard a yipthump at about 3 AM. Opps.
D and I bought his mom and Frank a new computer for Christmas. It is a really nice one to replace their very old one. We had coordinated with D’s brother (E) to have him and his wife get them a LCD monitor to go with. Then, not surprisingly, mom2’s computer breaks down and she is asking E to help her find a new one! We are only in July and we find ourselves forced to give an early Xmas gift. So we email them and wham, they are in great shape about 5 months before they should be. The only bummer for me is I am so into watching people on Christmas morning and now we won’t have anything for mom and Frank to open. Sigh.
D took me to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory on Saturday night after I made him a London Broil dinner. A little mini date – cute, cute, cute. The movie was beautiful. Johnny Deep was brilliant and the children were perfect. The Ompa Lompa made me crazy. I loved the songs in the original movie but the revised songs made me cringe. I can only be thankful that of all the renditions there wasn’t a country song in there. With very rare exception Country music is the worst.
D and I went to my dad and step-mom’s house to celebrate my grandfathers 87th birthday. We had a nice time. Dad bbqed oysters in the shell and cilantro chicken. Mom made pasta and salad to go with. As always, two very nice bottles of wine were served but neither D nor I drank as we rode the bike into the city and we never drink and drive.
On the ride home D and I stopped at Borders. D bought me the new Harry Potter (I am such a dork) and I am already devouring it. I read too quickly, makes all my favorite books fly by leaving me longing for the next installment.
I surprised D by buying a ticket yesterday for his son Andrew to fly in tonight. I just called Andy’s mom and asked her if I could fly him out and she, being the wonderful loving person she is, said of course. One day notice; no issue, no trouble. THAT is a good mom! So Andy will be with us for two weeks. My whole family is thrilled with that. They love having D’s kids around and D’s kids love spending time with us.
Kisses
Monday, July 18, 2005
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
You Oughta Know
Last night D and I took my mom to see Alanis Morissette at the Paramount. My sister and her husband were also there. Alanis was amazing. She just blew us all away with an acoustic set of Jagged Little Pill, her first CD released in 1995. She played every song on that CD plus she played a few from others. One song that I was so pleased to hear live was A Man. This is a song she wrote from a man’s perspective. Something she imagined would come from a man’s heart after listening to her lyrics for the last 10 years.
I am a man as a man I’ve been told
Bacon is brought to the house in this mold
Born of your bellies I yearn for the cord
Years I have groveled repentance ignored
And I have been blamed
And I have repented
I’m working my way toward our union mended
I am man who has grown from a son
Been crucified by enraged women
I am son who was raised by such men
I’m often reminded of the fools I’m among
And I have been shamed
And I have relented
I’m working my way toward our union mended
And I have been shamed
And I have repented
I’m working my way toward our union mended
We don’t fare well with endless reprimands
We don’t do well with a life served as a sentence
This won’t work well if you’re hell bent on your offence
I am a man who understands your resistance
I am a man who still does what he can
To dispel our archaic reputation
I am a man who has heard all he can
Cuz I don’t fare well with endless punishment
Cuz I have been blamed and I have repented
I’m working my way toward our union mended
And we have been blamed and we have repented
I’m working my way toward our union mended
It is a favorite of mine in that I think I live with a man that can relate. He has put up with the punishment of one woman for years and years. Her general hatred of men often spills into his lap and he has done whatever he can to try to make peace. Unfortunately there is no succeeding where this woman is concerned. I feel for him, I love him and I support him in all his endeavors. He knows it too.
The opening act for Alanis was Jason Mraz. I had only ever heard one song of his but OH MY GOD this guy can SING. He was brilliant, funny, personable and rocked. I will immediately find all his music and play it till my ears bleed.
On another note, took my mom to the airport this AM for her trip home to England. She will be visiting her aunt, uncle, cousins and her brother for three weeks. I love that she gets to spend time back home with her family. I wish I was going with her, perhaps next year. We have discussed going to South Africa, where her brother lives, instead of Europe but we shall see.
D and I spent the fourth of July in San Diego. We had a marvelous time with his mom, Frank, grandparents, cousins, and friends for the first three days and then with his dad on the fourth. His dads house is so beautiful. We swam and ate and slept…ahhhh. I had a very nice time just being lazy with them and their guests. I just love his family.
Kisses
I am a man as a man I’ve been told
Bacon is brought to the house in this mold
Born of your bellies I yearn for the cord
Years I have groveled repentance ignored
And I have been blamed
And I have repented
I’m working my way toward our union mended
I am man who has grown from a son
Been crucified by enraged women
I am son who was raised by such men
I’m often reminded of the fools I’m among
And I have been shamed
And I have relented
I’m working my way toward our union mended
And I have been shamed
And I have repented
I’m working my way toward our union mended
We don’t fare well with endless reprimands
We don’t do well with a life served as a sentence
This won’t work well if you’re hell bent on your offence
I am a man who understands your resistance
I am a man who still does what he can
To dispel our archaic reputation
I am a man who has heard all he can
Cuz I don’t fare well with endless punishment
Cuz I have been blamed and I have repented
I’m working my way toward our union mended
And we have been blamed and we have repented
I’m working my way toward our union mended
It is a favorite of mine in that I think I live with a man that can relate. He has put up with the punishment of one woman for years and years. Her general hatred of men often spills into his lap and he has done whatever he can to try to make peace. Unfortunately there is no succeeding where this woman is concerned. I feel for him, I love him and I support him in all his endeavors. He knows it too.
The opening act for Alanis was Jason Mraz. I had only ever heard one song of his but OH MY GOD this guy can SING. He was brilliant, funny, personable and rocked. I will immediately find all his music and play it till my ears bleed.
On another note, took my mom to the airport this AM for her trip home to England. She will be visiting her aunt, uncle, cousins and her brother for three weeks. I love that she gets to spend time back home with her family. I wish I was going with her, perhaps next year. We have discussed going to South Africa, where her brother lives, instead of Europe but we shall see.
D and I spent the fourth of July in San Diego. We had a marvelous time with his mom, Frank, grandparents, cousins, and friends for the first three days and then with his dad on the fourth. His dads house is so beautiful. We swam and ate and slept…ahhhh. I had a very nice time just being lazy with them and their guests. I just love his family.
Kisses
Saturday, June 25, 2005
It is all a Blur
On Thursday afternoon, about one o'clock one of my VP's asked me to lunch. This is the first time he and I have been able to make this happen so there was no way I wasn't going to go. I work ALOT of hours, I rarely step away from my desk so I figure I deserve a nice lunch out. Besides, he was paying.
We went down the street to Momo's. We walk in, they greet my VP and he leads me to the bar. The bartender introduces himself to me while grabbing a beer for my VP who dines there quite frequently and is known by name. Then he orders me a beer as well. Anyone who knows me knows that I rarely drink, and never during the day because it makes me sleepy, but I think what the hell, one won't hurt me. Suffice to say, one lead to three and VP and I are getting a little hammered. After we eat (yummy chicken and pear salads) VP decides that we are blowing the rest of the afternoon off. I think he is joking but he isn't. He makes some calls up to the office and drags me over to Kingfish for drinks. Slowly others from work join us. It is around 3 pm now and I am a little tipsy.
I decide beer is out and order myself a Mojito. Mojito's are yummy, refreshing, light and dangerous. As I am swilling down my first my VP decides to make a game of it. He and I are going head to head, drink for drink till one of us calls it quits. Around my third Mojito (or my sixth drink) I am starting to feel like I may lose this one, but alas, I get a second wind when my Admin shows up to join me.
The conversations are getting a little crazy. We are loud and crass and having a blast. We are laughing and carrying on when my BF comes in. I can tell by his grin I might be in a little trouble for disappearing from work, but he sees I am having a grand time and reminds me that we are leaving by 5:30. Ah ha - that gives me another hour to put the VP down. At this point we are on drink number eight and I can see that I am actually doing ok while VP looks a little worse for the wear.
Stories are being told; my co-workers are enjoying the fact that HR is out with them, behaving like a dope and letting her hair down. Not that I am uptight at work, just a little more professional and guarded than most have to be, mainly because I help manage all the ER cases and that means I have to be good most of the time. So even though we are all on the clock, we are telling it like it is and not worrying a damn about the repercussions. Basically bad kids out to have a good time.
Drink number nine arrives and I start slugging it down when I look over at VP and drink number eight is only half-way done. He smiles at me and throws in the towel. I triumphantly down that puppy and do a little victory dance. I am the champion!
VP heads up to the office to get ready to go home and as I am walking out the bartender asks who is paying the bill. Initially we were throwing cash down (there are about 6 or 7 people there) but somewhere along the way they started a tab. She hands me the bill - $150. Hmmm, ok well I ain't paying it, I won. Considering the amount of drinks we all had, this is cheap but I am still not paying it.
Cool thing, one of my new managers takes care of the tab. A gentleman indeed. The next day we all kick down a little cash and settle the score.
As I walk around the office I notice all my cohorts in crime. We are all a little green. We are all shushing others for "talking too loud". We are all shoveling fat and salt in our gullets as quickly as we can. Others in the office stop in the kitchen and can tell who was out with us the day before by what concoction they are munching on. "Ah, HR got you too?" And a slight nod (because it hurts too much to do otherwise) is all they need to know that you don't mess with the queen of the Mojito's.
We went down the street to Momo's. We walk in, they greet my VP and he leads me to the bar. The bartender introduces himself to me while grabbing a beer for my VP who dines there quite frequently and is known by name. Then he orders me a beer as well. Anyone who knows me knows that I rarely drink, and never during the day because it makes me sleepy, but I think what the hell, one won't hurt me. Suffice to say, one lead to three and VP and I are getting a little hammered. After we eat (yummy chicken and pear salads) VP decides that we are blowing the rest of the afternoon off. I think he is joking but he isn't. He makes some calls up to the office and drags me over to Kingfish for drinks. Slowly others from work join us. It is around 3 pm now and I am a little tipsy.
I decide beer is out and order myself a Mojito. Mojito's are yummy, refreshing, light and dangerous. As I am swilling down my first my VP decides to make a game of it. He and I are going head to head, drink for drink till one of us calls it quits. Around my third Mojito (or my sixth drink) I am starting to feel like I may lose this one, but alas, I get a second wind when my Admin shows up to join me.
The conversations are getting a little crazy. We are loud and crass and having a blast. We are laughing and carrying on when my BF comes in. I can tell by his grin I might be in a little trouble for disappearing from work, but he sees I am having a grand time and reminds me that we are leaving by 5:30. Ah ha - that gives me another hour to put the VP down. At this point we are on drink number eight and I can see that I am actually doing ok while VP looks a little worse for the wear.
Stories are being told; my co-workers are enjoying the fact that HR is out with them, behaving like a dope and letting her hair down. Not that I am uptight at work, just a little more professional and guarded than most have to be, mainly because I help manage all the ER cases and that means I have to be good most of the time. So even though we are all on the clock, we are telling it like it is and not worrying a damn about the repercussions. Basically bad kids out to have a good time.
Drink number nine arrives and I start slugging it down when I look over at VP and drink number eight is only half-way done. He smiles at me and throws in the towel. I triumphantly down that puppy and do a little victory dance. I am the champion!
VP heads up to the office to get ready to go home and as I am walking out the bartender asks who is paying the bill. Initially we were throwing cash down (there are about 6 or 7 people there) but somewhere along the way they started a tab. She hands me the bill - $150. Hmmm, ok well I ain't paying it, I won. Considering the amount of drinks we all had, this is cheap but I am still not paying it.
Cool thing, one of my new managers takes care of the tab. A gentleman indeed. The next day we all kick down a little cash and settle the score.
As I walk around the office I notice all my cohorts in crime. We are all a little green. We are all shushing others for "talking too loud". We are all shoveling fat and salt in our gullets as quickly as we can. Others in the office stop in the kitchen and can tell who was out with us the day before by what concoction they are munching on. "Ah, HR got you too?" And a slight nod (because it hurts too much to do otherwise) is all they need to know that you don't mess with the queen of the Mojito's.
Monday, June 20, 2005
A Note to my BF
You owe me nothing for giving the love that I give
You owe me nothing for caring the way that I have
I give you thanks for receiving it's my privilege
And you owe me nothing in return
Thursday, June 16, 2005
Everything is Everything
I had a very strange evening last night. We left the office early. Went and dropped the bike off for its first service and then I went to movie night with the girls. We had a quick dinner then went to see Mr. & Mrs. Smith. Let me just say that the movie was AWFUL. I mean I was so ready to walk out. What a waste of my time and money. Not even the loveliness of Brad and Angelina made it worth sitting through.
After the movie I went home and decided to check the email accounts I always forget about. So I checked my gmail. I had about a dozen or so messages, mostly Yafro notices, but down on the bottom was a notice from Classmates.com. Now I don’t remember signing up with them but I must have at some point because there was the email telling me it was my last chance to review a message from Ben G. Ben was a kid I graduated high school with in 1987. I am pretty sure I haven’t seen him since. I really liked Ben; he was (and I assume still is) smart, funny, talented and a genuinely good person. So I was thrilled to have an email waiting from him.
It was brief but sweet. It lead me to his website. That lead me to his pictures. And there were pic after pic of Ben just like I remember him. He looks the SAME. It was almost creepy. His great big smile in every shot. There were pics of him getting married! Pics in London and Paris. Pics of his bowling team. And then a picture of him with Shem and Anna. The title took me a minute to register. Shem T., R.I.P. I sat with that a minute. Shem had been in high school with Ben and me. He was a dear friend to Ben and someone I really admired. He was beautiful, sweet, and smart. Everyone loved Shem. I didn’t quite believe or understand what I was reading. Then I went to the next photo:
------------------Photo by Ben G.------------------------
I just sat there in shock. I realize I am getting this information ten years after the fact but still it broke my heart. I did a Google search next:
http://www.jewishsf.com/content/2-0-/module/displaystory/story_id/20963/edition_id/431/format/html/displaystory.html
This is a wonderful article about Shem’s life. I was pleased to have learned a little more about what he did with his life before he passed away. Shem was just as I remembered him, a man who left a lasting impression on everyone he touched. That fucking rules.
Me
PS Ben if you are reading this, email me!
After the movie I went home and decided to check the email accounts I always forget about. So I checked my gmail. I had about a dozen or so messages, mostly Yafro notices, but down on the bottom was a notice from Classmates.com. Now I don’t remember signing up with them but I must have at some point because there was the email telling me it was my last chance to review a message from Ben G. Ben was a kid I graduated high school with in 1987. I am pretty sure I haven’t seen him since. I really liked Ben; he was (and I assume still is) smart, funny, talented and a genuinely good person. So I was thrilled to have an email waiting from him.
It was brief but sweet. It lead me to his website. That lead me to his pictures. And there were pic after pic of Ben just like I remember him. He looks the SAME. It was almost creepy. His great big smile in every shot. There were pics of him getting married! Pics in London and Paris. Pics of his bowling team. And then a picture of him with Shem and Anna. The title took me a minute to register. Shem T., R.I.P. I sat with that a minute. Shem had been in high school with Ben and me. He was a dear friend to Ben and someone I really admired. He was beautiful, sweet, and smart. Everyone loved Shem. I didn’t quite believe or understand what I was reading. Then I went to the next photo:
------------------Photo by Ben G.------------------------
I just sat there in shock. I realize I am getting this information ten years after the fact but still it broke my heart. I did a Google search next:
http://www.jewishsf.com/content/2-0-/module/displaystory/story_id/20963/edition_id/431/format/html/displaystory.html
This is a wonderful article about Shem’s life. I was pleased to have learned a little more about what he did with his life before he passed away. Shem was just as I remembered him, a man who left a lasting impression on everyone he touched. That fucking rules.
Me
PS Ben if you are reading this, email me!
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
911
My mom and I watched Fahrenheit last night. This is a truly fascinating piece of work by Michael Moore. Many people are not comfortable with the way that Michael presents material but I am always impressed with how deeply he researches any subject he is interested in.
Now granted, Michael is anti-Bush to the nth degree. But then again, so am I. However, even if you believe in Bush and his politics I think this film will at least make you question what has happened in this country for the last five years. I was taken aback at how convoluted and deceitful the Bush history is. The money involved, the players, the lies.
Be warned friends, if you are squeamish or have a hard time seeing children die, this film may be too difficult for you to watch. The reality is in the film though, and I thought the least I could do was watch it without covering my eyes.
Monday, June 13, 2005
Sunday Kinda Love
What an amazing day we had. Woke up super late due to the fact that I had a poor nights sleep. D and I decided that since it was so lovely out we would go for a long ride to Petaluma. We rode down Lucas Valley road the 20 miles or so to reach downtown Petaluma.
The ride there was gorgeous. Serene and comfortable. We stopped once to look at one of the most lovely vineyards along the way. After that it was a straight shot to downtown and a leisurely lunch at McNears. I had a great big Shrimp Cobb Salad. D had a HUGE Fish & Chips.
While we sat there I turned to the couple next to us to ask them a question and one of the women started chatting with us about motorcycles (our helmets were on the table). Turns out one of the woman is a local comedian by the name of Heather Gold. Her GF, Stacy performs with a 60's Go-Go troupe called The Devilettes. Both women were awesome and D and I are going to be sure to catch both of their shows this month.
Then it was time to head back. We took the back roads again and kinda snuggled all the way home. Every now and then D would shortstop so my boobs would press against his back. That's the kind of big kid he is.
Once we got home we changed into workout clothes and headed to our gym. This is the first time I have done a full on cardio workout with D and it was cool. We did 30 minutes on the bikes and then 30 minutes on the treadmill. It is nice to look over and see my man sweating it out with me. I will aim for four nights a week, maybe more if D can drag me there.
When we got home mom had cooked a super yummy turkey meatloaf and made a huge salad. We ate light, since both of us were still full from lunch, and just hung out with mom for a bit.
Finally D and I climbed into my bed to watch a movie and just be close. An older Sci-Fi called Brainstorm. I can't even tell you what the movie was about, I was so tired and so content just being cuddled that I was mostly asleep during it. Made for the perfect ending to a perfect day.
Kisses
The ride there was gorgeous. Serene and comfortable. We stopped once to look at one of the most lovely vineyards along the way. After that it was a straight shot to downtown and a leisurely lunch at McNears. I had a great big Shrimp Cobb Salad. D had a HUGE Fish & Chips.
While we sat there I turned to the couple next to us to ask them a question and one of the women started chatting with us about motorcycles (our helmets were on the table). Turns out one of the woman is a local comedian by the name of Heather Gold. Her GF, Stacy performs with a 60's Go-Go troupe called The Devilettes. Both women were awesome and D and I are going to be sure to catch both of their shows this month.
Then it was time to head back. We took the back roads again and kinda snuggled all the way home. Every now and then D would shortstop so my boobs would press against his back. That's the kind of big kid he is.
Once we got home we changed into workout clothes and headed to our gym. This is the first time I have done a full on cardio workout with D and it was cool. We did 30 minutes on the bikes and then 30 minutes on the treadmill. It is nice to look over and see my man sweating it out with me. I will aim for four nights a week, maybe more if D can drag me there.
When we got home mom had cooked a super yummy turkey meatloaf and made a huge salad. We ate light, since both of us were still full from lunch, and just hung out with mom for a bit.
Finally D and I climbed into my bed to watch a movie and just be close. An older Sci-Fi called Brainstorm. I can't even tell you what the movie was about, I was so tired and so content just being cuddled that I was mostly asleep during it. Made for the perfect ending to a perfect day.
Kisses
Thursday, June 09, 2005
I Feel the Need for a Shower
My lovely BF insists on calling me his GF Unit; or, now his PGF Unit (Pretty Girlfriend Unit). To my BF, this is a wonderful, albeit, geeky nickname. OK, now I don’t know about you, but to me, a Unit isn’t cute. It is:
* An individual, group, structure, or other entity regarded as an elementary structural or functional constituent of a whole.
* Male genitalia.
Am I wrong here? Does it not feel dirty to you? A pretty penis, yep, that’s me.
On to other news. I finished cleaning up my Dell DJ. It has SO MANY wonderful songs on it. 2,158 to be exact. Songs from when I was a teen, songs that make me dance around work and have co-workers giggling in my wake (what do they know anyway!) It makes working away the hours so easy, singing along, wiggling in my chair. OK, maybe being laughed at is appropriate.
So on Sunday my lovely sister will have 20 years of sobriety. TWENTY. That is amazing. She is amazing.
Kisses
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
HAPPY BIRTHDAY LYN!
First off, and more important than anything else I have to say...HAPPY 40th BIRTHDAY LYN!!
You rock girl! Wish I could be there to celebrate with you.
It is raining in SF. Makes me sad, no riding in this morning on the back of my man's bike. I enjoy the rides so much, it is freeing. He is also a pain in the ass when he can't ride! All cranky and shit. OK, not really, but I do so like making fun of him.
D is finally filing visitation paperwork for his daughter. His ex has had way too much control over him and his family when it comes to spending time with his daughter. It is obscene how she behaves. Bribes were not unheard of (always at her prompting that she "needed" something in exchange.) Begging, pleading, threats from her; it has been nightmarish. Thanks to my friends and family this will no longer be an issue. His daughter will be free to visit her dad as the courts see fit. I am sure that there will be challenges, but that is what the police are for. Being in contempt sucks from what I have heard.
I feel compelled to push a writer I adore. Christopher Moore. The man is a comic genius. I have read every book he has ever written, of which there are not enough! He has made me laugh out loud more times than I can count.
My all time favorite book of his is:
I have read this book twice now, and it is a work of art. Not one page went by that I did not fall more and more in love with this mans style and technique. Do yourself a favor and pick this book up. Pass it on to everyone you know, they will love it.
Kisses
You rock girl! Wish I could be there to celebrate with you.
It is raining in SF. Makes me sad, no riding in this morning on the back of my man's bike. I enjoy the rides so much, it is freeing. He is also a pain in the ass when he can't ride! All cranky and shit. OK, not really, but I do so like making fun of him.
D is finally filing visitation paperwork for his daughter. His ex has had way too much control over him and his family when it comes to spending time with his daughter. It is obscene how she behaves. Bribes were not unheard of (always at her prompting that she "needed" something in exchange.) Begging, pleading, threats from her; it has been nightmarish. Thanks to my friends and family this will no longer be an issue. His daughter will be free to visit her dad as the courts see fit. I am sure that there will be challenges, but that is what the police are for. Being in contempt sucks from what I have heard.
I feel compelled to push a writer I adore. Christopher Moore. The man is a comic genius. I have read every book he has ever written, of which there are not enough! He has made me laugh out loud more times than I can count.
My all time favorite book of his is:
I have read this book twice now, and it is a work of art. Not one page went by that I did not fall more and more in love with this mans style and technique. Do yourself a favor and pick this book up. Pass it on to everyone you know, they will love it.
Kisses
Tuesday, May 31, 2005
Last Day of our Acquaintance
I can see too many mouths open
Too many eyes closed, ears closed
Not enough minds open
Too many legs open
Tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, do
Why isn't it why why
I don't see why I listen
__________________________________________
What a beautiful weekend. Mary got her Masters on Saturday. We partied late into the night (I got home at 3:30 AM and am still trying to catch up.) We had a wonderful Italian dinner and then drinks at WooHoo. Closed the night at The Shannon Arms (a friends bar in the Sunset). D and I hung out at home on Sunday, had dinner with my mom and her friends and I passed out at 10:00.
On Monday we took the bike out for a ride and had a nice breakfast. Then we met up with Carmen and Mary and went to Mary's moms’ house for a BBQ. We skipped the Lake trip so we could spend more time at Suzi's house. It was a long ride and my butt was numb when we finally arrived. I must say, with the exception of the butt issue, riding is magnificent. The bike is amazing. I had almost forgotten how freeing it is to be on a motorcycle and D is a great rider. He says I am a good passenger but I squirm (that would be the deadened ass).
I bought D a new motorcycle jacket and gloves. They are laden with Kevlar and full armor plates. The jacket is gray and black, pretty sweet. He says the gloves will stop bullets…I love living in the city.
Too many eyes closed, ears closed
Not enough minds open
Too many legs open
Tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, do
Why isn't it why why
I don't see why I listen
__________________________________________
What a beautiful weekend. Mary got her Masters on Saturday. We partied late into the night (I got home at 3:30 AM and am still trying to catch up.) We had a wonderful Italian dinner and then drinks at WooHoo. Closed the night at The Shannon Arms (a friends bar in the Sunset). D and I hung out at home on Sunday, had dinner with my mom and her friends and I passed out at 10:00.
On Monday we took the bike out for a ride and had a nice breakfast. Then we met up with Carmen and Mary and went to Mary's moms’ house for a BBQ. We skipped the Lake trip so we could spend more time at Suzi's house. It was a long ride and my butt was numb when we finally arrived. I must say, with the exception of the butt issue, riding is magnificent. The bike is amazing. I had almost forgotten how freeing it is to be on a motorcycle and D is a great rider. He says I am a good passenger but I squirm (that would be the deadened ass).
I bought D a new motorcycle jacket and gloves. They are laden with Kevlar and full armor plates. The jacket is gray and black, pretty sweet. He says the gloves will stop bullets…I love living in the city.
Thursday, May 26, 2005
Living in the Dark Ages
It is wonderful to see people learning how to use the internet.
It fascinates me that some people still haven't come close to the level on techie that my BF and I have readily available at our finger tips. I suppose that working in the industry for the last eight years (something silly like 16 for the man) has helped. Not only do I work and live with a geek, but I hang out with geeks all the time. Have a question about locating someone? Bat my eyelashes at my man and he is all over it. Blocking my site from unfortunates? A little kiss gets me whatever I need. He really is the best. Not only will he help me learn to develop, research, and maintain all my geeky pleasures but not one morning has gone by since he moved in that he hasn't brought me coffee in bed each morning. Thanks babe.
Today IS the day. We are leaving work at 4:30 and getting his bike! We are so excited. The minor delay was that they didn't want to give us one from the showroom floor, Valerie, our sales person, insisted it be "off the truck". So, although the man pouted, we waited the extra day.
This weekend is going to be amazing! First of all, my best friend, Pea is here for TWO weeks. She just completed her first year at Bryn Mawr in the PhD program of Research Psychology and I flew her out for a well deserved break. Mare and I picked her up at the airport and then we had an overnight at Mare's house in Bernal Heights. Mary is selling her home so she and her husband can buy a bigger place in Sonoma. Amazing what places in SF sell for, it is crazy! So Mary, Carmen and I had what may be our last "slumber party" in the home on the hill. We were up too late giggling and smoking. It was wonderful.
On Friday night we will be going to a farewell party of a women we work with here at CM. Then I think we will hit a dinner kind of thing with Carmen, Mare and her man. On Saturday we will be going to SF to see Mare get her Masters! She graduated from the Speech and Communications department. We are so proud of her. She is inspiring.
Saturday night we are having a huge dinner party at Ristorante Mare in Pacifica. It is a wonderful Italian place right on the beach.
On Sunday I am sure the BF will be off on his bike and I will be spending time with Carmen.
On Monday we will be headed to Mare's mom's house in Santa Rosa to meet with about 20 other people and then head up to Sonoma Lake for the day. We will spend several hours there baking in the sun and swimming before heading back to Mare's mom's house for a BBQ.
Life is pretty sweet.
Kisses
It fascinates me that some people still haven't come close to the level on techie that my BF and I have readily available at our finger tips. I suppose that working in the industry for the last eight years (something silly like 16 for the man) has helped. Not only do I work and live with a geek, but I hang out with geeks all the time. Have a question about locating someone? Bat my eyelashes at my man and he is all over it. Blocking my site from unfortunates? A little kiss gets me whatever I need. He really is the best. Not only will he help me learn to develop, research, and maintain all my geeky pleasures but not one morning has gone by since he moved in that he hasn't brought me coffee in bed each morning. Thanks babe.
Today IS the day. We are leaving work at 4:30 and getting his bike! We are so excited. The minor delay was that they didn't want to give us one from the showroom floor, Valerie, our sales person, insisted it be "off the truck". So, although the man pouted, we waited the extra day.
This weekend is going to be amazing! First of all, my best friend, Pea is here for TWO weeks. She just completed her first year at Bryn Mawr in the PhD program of Research Psychology and I flew her out for a well deserved break. Mare and I picked her up at the airport and then we had an overnight at Mare's house in Bernal Heights. Mary is selling her home so she and her husband can buy a bigger place in Sonoma. Amazing what places in SF sell for, it is crazy! So Mary, Carmen and I had what may be our last "slumber party" in the home on the hill. We were up too late giggling and smoking. It was wonderful.
On Friday night we will be going to a farewell party of a women we work with here at CM. Then I think we will hit a dinner kind of thing with Carmen, Mare and her man. On Saturday we will be going to SF to see Mare get her Masters! She graduated from the Speech and Communications department. We are so proud of her. She is inspiring.
Saturday night we are having a huge dinner party at Ristorante Mare in Pacifica. It is a wonderful Italian place right on the beach.
On Sunday I am sure the BF will be off on his bike and I will be spending time with Carmen.
On Monday we will be headed to Mare's mom's house in Santa Rosa to meet with about 20 other people and then head up to Sonoma Lake for the day. We will spend several hours there baking in the sun and swimming before heading back to Mare's mom's house for a BBQ.
Life is pretty sweet.
Kisses
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
Lush
There are some things in life one should not be without. Lush is one of them.
I first discovered Lush through my friend Kitty. Kitty of the "Oh So Soft Skin". She took me there and spent a small fortune on me. She bought me one of everything I snuck a peek at. It was overly generous, thus is Kitty.
Since then I have been a devoted fan. I use the Body Butters every day. This isn't a cheap obsession either. These things last maybe five showers, maybe. But I can't stand to be without them. They smell good enough to eat. They make your skin feel like you are a baby again. They are essential.
Another must have is their The Strokes. My hair, which is finally its natural color, feels so soft and wonderful I could touch it all day. Although I miss the days of bright and crazy colored hair, having it natural, healthy and well treated kicks ass.
I am telling you, if you have the funds, don't ever use a grocery store bar of soap again. It ages your skin, removes healthy oils and makes you feel like a 80 year old. Spend a little people. You can't take it with you.
Kisses
I first discovered Lush through my friend Kitty. Kitty of the "Oh So Soft Skin". She took me there and spent a small fortune on me. She bought me one of everything I snuck a peek at. It was overly generous, thus is Kitty.
Since then I have been a devoted fan. I use the Body Butters every day. This isn't a cheap obsession either. These things last maybe five showers, maybe. But I can't stand to be without them. They smell good enough to eat. They make your skin feel like you are a baby again. They are essential.
Another must have is their The Strokes. My hair, which is finally its natural color, feels so soft and wonderful I could touch it all day. Although I miss the days of bright and crazy colored hair, having it natural, healthy and well treated kicks ass.
I am telling you, if you have the funds, don't ever use a grocery store bar of soap again. It ages your skin, removes healthy oils and makes you feel like a 80 year old. Spend a little people. You can't take it with you.
Kisses
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
Rated R for Strong Language
When I was a child, around 6 or 7, I used to torment other kids by calling them names. Names like fat, ugly, and/or stupid were abrasive insults to sling at my less fortunate peers. Vicious rumors could be spread about compulsive picking and eating habits or perpetual bed-wetters. These tidbits of information could destroy a child’s life through grade school and sometimes even beyond.
When I hit middle school the verbal tirade stepped up a notch. While I only ever picked on those that picked on others, it wasn’t uncommon to find me repeatedly punching someone in the face while calling them a slutbitchwhorecunt. As if that wasn’t enough, the rumors became tales of blowjobs behind the bleachers and made up teen pregnancies at the “hands” of the head coach. I was mean, simple-minded, and mean, but only to those I thought deserved it. A judge and jury of my adolescent colleagues; a vindictive Robin Hood, so to speak.
Around the age of 14 I met a group of girls that fascinated me. They believed that words like bitch, whore, slut and so on were base and beneath them. They never called people such names - no - they were much smarter, and intensely more ferocious than that. These girls used sarcasm and wit to put people in their place. They were not opposed to violence, which usually landed in my hands, but they preferred to make you cry with their words rather than my fists. And without fail, they would succeed at tearing apart anyone who crossed their path with ill intentions. They took me in, taught me their ways, and made me one of them.
But as time moved on, as we grew older, we began to realize something. Something that made us step back and rethink our strategy. Why fight at all? Why not remove negative people from our lives? We had a choice on who we allowed into our lives, and who we didn’t. It wasn't a “better than you” choice, it was an “I am not interested in being around people who contribute to my dysfunctional ways”. And our ways were dysfunctional. They were cruel and bitter and childish. They were not who I am or ever wanted to be. They were defensive and offensive behaviors that allowed me to steer clear of the person inside who was so sad and lonely.
By 18 I was in therapy, as were 3 of the women I had been friends with since I was 14. Amazingly, when we focused on whom we were and who we aspired to be, we found that our friendship could remain intact and that less people crossed the street when they saw us walking towards them.
We no longer resolved arguments with grievous banter; we would talk things through and listen to others. That is not to say that I was able to modify my behavior overnight. No, it took years of hard work not to raise a fist or a silver tongue at those who angered me. There are some days, even now, that I have to check my anger.
I am still friends with these women after 20 years. There are times when we talk about the “old days”, not with pleasure mind you, but with remorse and even some shame. We have accepted who we were and who we are today. We are stronger, gentler, and smarter women who use kindness instead of harshness to get through the world. It is a much more pleasant place to be.
When I hit middle school the verbal tirade stepped up a notch. While I only ever picked on those that picked on others, it wasn’t uncommon to find me repeatedly punching someone in the face while calling them a slutbitchwhorecunt. As if that wasn’t enough, the rumors became tales of blowjobs behind the bleachers and made up teen pregnancies at the “hands” of the head coach. I was mean, simple-minded, and mean, but only to those I thought deserved it. A judge and jury of my adolescent colleagues; a vindictive Robin Hood, so to speak.
Around the age of 14 I met a group of girls that fascinated me. They believed that words like bitch, whore, slut and so on were base and beneath them. They never called people such names - no - they were much smarter, and intensely more ferocious than that. These girls used sarcasm and wit to put people in their place. They were not opposed to violence, which usually landed in my hands, but they preferred to make you cry with their words rather than my fists. And without fail, they would succeed at tearing apart anyone who crossed their path with ill intentions. They took me in, taught me their ways, and made me one of them.
But as time moved on, as we grew older, we began to realize something. Something that made us step back and rethink our strategy. Why fight at all? Why not remove negative people from our lives? We had a choice on who we allowed into our lives, and who we didn’t. It wasn't a “better than you” choice, it was an “I am not interested in being around people who contribute to my dysfunctional ways”. And our ways were dysfunctional. They were cruel and bitter and childish. They were not who I am or ever wanted to be. They were defensive and offensive behaviors that allowed me to steer clear of the person inside who was so sad and lonely.
By 18 I was in therapy, as were 3 of the women I had been friends with since I was 14. Amazingly, when we focused on whom we were and who we aspired to be, we found that our friendship could remain intact and that less people crossed the street when they saw us walking towards them.
We no longer resolved arguments with grievous banter; we would talk things through and listen to others. That is not to say that I was able to modify my behavior overnight. No, it took years of hard work not to raise a fist or a silver tongue at those who angered me. There are some days, even now, that I have to check my anger.
I am still friends with these women after 20 years. There are times when we talk about the “old days”, not with pleasure mind you, but with remorse and even some shame. We have accepted who we were and who we are today. We are stronger, gentler, and smarter women who use kindness instead of harshness to get through the world. It is a much more pleasant place to be.
Sunday, May 22, 2005
Some Things are Better Left Unsaid
I just don't feel that way today. Things have been left unsaid too long. It pains me sometimes how cruel people can be. How selfish and rude. I make sure that I am gentle and kind with people, it is how I was raised.
My dad and step-mom are attorneys, fighting for people who have been wronged. My mom is a therapist, working with children who have insane parents, passing their insanity on to their children, making them miserable and frightened. My mom tries to see that the damage is minimized, if not erased. She has raised me to be strong, to stand up for myself, to fight for what I believe in. She also taught me to work hard, get paid a ridiculous amount of money and be sure to sock some away for things that "come up". And so I have.
I have money. It is my money that I will use to set things right. My sister works for one of the top family law attorneys in California. She has been a wonderful support for us. She let's us know what we should be asking for and what not to settle for. She is fond of telling me not to settle for anyone's bullshit. So I won't. No more bullies, not more insanity, free ride is over.
I love who I am, I love who I share my life with. I find myself angry at times that people I love have brought their ugly baggage into my serene life, but they have also brought so much love and joy that it has all been worth it. I would not trade a moment with my love or his family to be free of the sickness the baggage contained. Not one moment.
I don't hold onto anger, I let it go, it isn't good for me. So I think about all the amazing things I have in my life and it soothes me:
I have a family that is always there for me
I have a partner who loves me, cares for me and makes me laugh all day long
I have a job I love going to that pays me a wonderful salary and just gave me a specialty award ($2500) for being an exceptional employee
I have an extended family who constantly remind me of how loving I am
I have a new car (god I love my Audi)
I have a new motorcycle (well I gave it to my partner but I get to ride it)
I have my health, my sanity and my best friends Pea and Mary, who keep me healthy and sane
I have it all, so what is left to say?
My dad and step-mom are attorneys, fighting for people who have been wronged. My mom is a therapist, working with children who have insane parents, passing their insanity on to their children, making them miserable and frightened. My mom tries to see that the damage is minimized, if not erased. She has raised me to be strong, to stand up for myself, to fight for what I believe in. She also taught me to work hard, get paid a ridiculous amount of money and be sure to sock some away for things that "come up". And so I have.
I have money. It is my money that I will use to set things right. My sister works for one of the top family law attorneys in California. She has been a wonderful support for us. She let's us know what we should be asking for and what not to settle for. She is fond of telling me not to settle for anyone's bullshit. So I won't. No more bullies, not more insanity, free ride is over.
I love who I am, I love who I share my life with. I find myself angry at times that people I love have brought their ugly baggage into my serene life, but they have also brought so much love and joy that it has all been worth it. I would not trade a moment with my love or his family to be free of the sickness the baggage contained. Not one moment.
I don't hold onto anger, I let it go, it isn't good for me. So I think about all the amazing things I have in my life and it soothes me:
I have a family that is always there for me
I have a partner who loves me, cares for me and makes me laugh all day long
I have a job I love going to that pays me a wonderful salary and just gave me a specialty award ($2500) for being an exceptional employee
I have an extended family who constantly remind me of how loving I am
I have a new car (god I love my Audi)
I have a new motorcycle (well I gave it to my partner but I get to ride it)
I have my health, my sanity and my best friends Pea and Mary, who keep me healthy and sane
I have it all, so what is left to say?
Saturday, May 21, 2005
Done Being Nice
I am done playing nice. I am done watching the people I love be trampled on, manipulated and threatened. I will use all my connections, all my power and ALL my money to see that things are changed. And when they are, some people will be very sorry they didn't play nice with me when they had the chance.
Friday, May 20, 2005
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
Viva
OK so I went to Vegas. Went with my sister and three other friends. We had an amazing time. I actually won $600 on the silly nickel slots. I had a blast sitting with Anna, both of us winning, smoking, drinking, laughing. Anna is my sisters best-friend, has been since they were 16 (they are both in their late 30's now). We stayed up till the wee hours of the morning together. She is a real kick.
We spent our days (Saturday, Sunday and half of Monday) visiting all the sites and being basic tourists. Vegas is at odds with itself in that it is both lovely and a mess. At night, with the warm winds and bright lights, it is amazing. When the sun lays heavy on your skin and the streets are crowded with drunken frat boys, well I am sure you can guess how I feel about that. Overall, I like Vegas. Next year we will all go again and stay at New York - New York. I hope to fly MY best friend in for the trip.
Life has been pretty chaotic lately. Not bad, just busy. There are so many things to plan and so many people to see this year, I am unsure how the man and I will fit it all in. The most important thing we want to do this summer is see the kids. His kids. If we can find a full week to spend with them we will be thrilled! It may be a problem with his daughter as we have a rough time with her mom but I am sure it will all work out. As hard as it can be to set everything up, it is always worth it.
My best friend flew out for the weekend to see our other best friend perform her Master's Thesis. She is graduating in May with her Masters in Speech and Communications. Her performance was AMAZING. She is so talented. She received a standing ovation. Pea and I gave her a bouquet of flowers fit for a Miss America winner. She cracked up when we handed it to her. MK never ceases to amaze me.
Family is all great. My sister and I will be working on her house this summer with her contractor hubbie. They are getting a new entryway, kids are getting a new bathroom and I am doing all the painting that needs to be done. I think we will work on my mom’s kitchen as well. Mom will be in England for three weeks this summer to see our family so I may try to knock it out then.
Much love and kisses
We spent our days (Saturday, Sunday and half of Monday) visiting all the sites and being basic tourists. Vegas is at odds with itself in that it is both lovely and a mess. At night, with the warm winds and bright lights, it is amazing. When the sun lays heavy on your skin and the streets are crowded with drunken frat boys, well I am sure you can guess how I feel about that. Overall, I like Vegas. Next year we will all go again and stay at New York - New York. I hope to fly MY best friend in for the trip.
Life has been pretty chaotic lately. Not bad, just busy. There are so many things to plan and so many people to see this year, I am unsure how the man and I will fit it all in. The most important thing we want to do this summer is see the kids. His kids. If we can find a full week to spend with them we will be thrilled! It may be a problem with his daughter as we have a rough time with her mom but I am sure it will all work out. As hard as it can be to set everything up, it is always worth it.
My best friend flew out for the weekend to see our other best friend perform her Master's Thesis. She is graduating in May with her Masters in Speech and Communications. Her performance was AMAZING. She is so talented. She received a standing ovation. Pea and I gave her a bouquet of flowers fit for a Miss America winner. She cracked up when we handed it to her. MK never ceases to amaze me.
Family is all great. My sister and I will be working on her house this summer with her contractor hubbie. They are getting a new entryway, kids are getting a new bathroom and I am doing all the painting that needs to be done. I think we will work on my mom’s kitchen as well. Mom will be in England for three weeks this summer to see our family so I may try to knock it out then.
Much love and kisses
Thursday, April 21, 2005
Maintaining Decency
Anyone who knows me knows I have never wanted children of my own. Since I was 17 I have made it clear to any partner I have had that they would never have kids with me. I feel as though too many people bring children into this world selfishly and for reasons of needing to be needed or for monetary value. I also feel that although kids are amazing, there are too many people in this world as is.
Kids like me; some even love me, because I am kind and loving with them. I can spoil them because I have the means to, not because I wish to purchase affection from them. And some children I have spent time with are so starved for love that it makes me hurt for them. I never pass judgment or make them feel anything other than cared for when they are with me. I have made bonds with some kids in my life and I really love that.
My partner has two WONDERFUL children. They are both in their teens. I love spending time with them whenever we get the chance to. They both love spending time with me. They call me independently of calling their father, to seek advice or just to say hi. It is great. But they both know I am a friend and an advocate for them, not a person trying to raise them. They reach out to me because I always make myself available to them. I have cooked meals for my BF’s son and done hair and makeup with my BF’s daughter. I have also held them both when they have cried. As I am with most people, I try to be there for them when they need me.
Some people think that unless you personally breed you will always be jealous of what they have. Let me tell you what I have – I have the freedom to do whatever I please. I can travel, I can explore, and I can be with just me whenever I want. I made a choice a long time ago that I just didn’t want to give up my freedom. Maybe that sounds selfish, but with all my nieces and nephews I figured my sister took care of the kid thing for both of us ;)
There will never be a time when I regret not having kids because I know who I am. I feel great about my life; my job is fun and satisfying (not to mention pays me an arm and a leg and with my stocks I will be rich one day soon, heh). I have a lovely home, drive a fucking fantastic race car, travel when I please and shop even more than I travel. But way more importantly – I have a wonderful, supportive family, an amazing partner, the most beautiful friends – and I have me. More than any Princess could ever wish for.
Kids like me; some even love me, because I am kind and loving with them. I can spoil them because I have the means to, not because I wish to purchase affection from them. And some children I have spent time with are so starved for love that it makes me hurt for them. I never pass judgment or make them feel anything other than cared for when they are with me. I have made bonds with some kids in my life and I really love that.
My partner has two WONDERFUL children. They are both in their teens. I love spending time with them whenever we get the chance to. They both love spending time with me. They call me independently of calling their father, to seek advice or just to say hi. It is great. But they both know I am a friend and an advocate for them, not a person trying to raise them. They reach out to me because I always make myself available to them. I have cooked meals for my BF’s son and done hair and makeup with my BF’s daughter. I have also held them both when they have cried. As I am with most people, I try to be there for them when they need me.
Some people think that unless you personally breed you will always be jealous of what they have. Let me tell you what I have – I have the freedom to do whatever I please. I can travel, I can explore, and I can be with just me whenever I want. I made a choice a long time ago that I just didn’t want to give up my freedom. Maybe that sounds selfish, but with all my nieces and nephews I figured my sister took care of the kid thing for both of us ;)
There will never be a time when I regret not having kids because I know who I am. I feel great about my life; my job is fun and satisfying (not to mention pays me an arm and a leg and with my stocks I will be rich one day soon, heh). I have a lovely home, drive a fucking fantastic race car, travel when I please and shop even more than I travel. But way more importantly – I have a wonderful, supportive family, an amazing partner, the most beautiful friends – and I have me. More than any Princess could ever wish for.
Friday, March 11, 2005
What a Waste
Some people, well, they just aren't nice. That is me being polite. What I really want to say may be just too brutal. I can not understand people's greediness, the need to be hurtful, and the unbelievable ability some people have to be selfish. People who think only of themselves and ways they can fuck others over make me feel so sad. Pity is lame, and yet it is what I feel for some (well really just one).
Lately I have been loosely involved with a pretty nasty situation. The hard part, for me anyway, is that I can't stop trying to figure out a way to make it all better. See, it is in my nature to TRY. It is killing me that all I can do is throw money at it. I want to be more helpful, more resourceful, and more proactive. But I made a promise to beware of toe-stepping and not to rough anybody up. I don’t make promises lightly.
So I do what I can. I know that the situation will be resolved and good will triumph over evil (it HAS to). The evil will pay and I will secretly do my white hat dance, most likely in nothing but the hat.
Most times life feels wonderful. Some days, life is challenging. How do you balance all that comes your way? Take on today, leave tomorrow alone and resolve that yesterday is done. I am not always good at this, but I keep trying.
Kisses
PS - I miss my Best Friend!
Wednesday, February 09, 2005
I Do
People pointing
Finger-painting the world
Leaving me the siloheutte of my life
And I'm filling in the negative space with positively everything
I do, I do
And it's all because of you
I do, I do
And it's all because of you
It's not emotion that I feel for you
It's not devotion that I want from you
I want someone to follow who doesn't lead the way
I want someone to listen who won't repeat what I say
And I'm filling in the negative space with positively everything
I do, I do
And it's all because of you
I do, I do
And it's all because of you
Finger-painting the world
Leaving me the siloheutte of my life
And I'm filling in the negative space with positively everything
I do, I do
And it's all because of you
I do, I do
And it's all because of you
It's not emotion that I feel for you
It's not devotion that I want from you
I want someone to follow who doesn't lead the way
I want someone to listen who won't repeat what I say
And I'm filling in the negative space with positively everything
I do, I do
And it's all because of you
I do, I do
And it's all because of you
Friday, January 07, 2005
Sins, sins and more sins
OK, to start...I have gained weight since I quit smoking (I use the word quit lightly). It is bothering me despite the fact that I knew it would happen. I am now back OP with WW and it will take a few months to get the weight off but it will happen damn it. I won’t disclose how much I weigh or what I gained but it is way more than I thought it would be and I am done. That being said I will give only positive updates from here on out.
Now, why do I use the word "quit" lightly? Because I cheat. That's right, I am a cheater. One here, one there...they add up. Since I know it is purely emotional I need to figure this out. My BF is nothing but supportive here (except when I cheat and walk by him and he says "ewwww, you stink".) I hate the habit; it smells bad, tastes bad and feels bad. So why am I doing the cheating thing? I just have no other answer except I have done it for 23 years and old habits are a bitch to break. I will keep on it though, it is important to me not to return to the pack a day walking cancer victim.
The holidays, awww the holidays. They ROCKED. From Thanksgiving through New Years I loved them all. I am a spoiled Princess (you all know that though) and on top of all the wonderful things bestowed upon me I got to visit with everyone I love over the 6 week period. Plus I had a 10 days vacation with my BF! We were both able to take some time off work, visit with friends and family and generally relax and enjoy. It was awesome, especially seeing BOTH his kids. That was the best.
I generally think New Years Resolutions are BS cause no one I know every stick with them so I am not going to commit here (I did see one blog resolution – 5 in ’05 which I thought was inspiring and witty and I wish her much success!) but I will say this:
I am resolved to be a kinder and gentler person this year. I will respect and love those around me and I will give out to the world what I wish to receive in return.
Oh and I resolve to call my Best Friend more often too!
Kisses
Now, why do I use the word "quit" lightly? Because I cheat. That's right, I am a cheater. One here, one there...they add up. Since I know it is purely emotional I need to figure this out. My BF is nothing but supportive here (except when I cheat and walk by him and he says "ewwww, you stink".) I hate the habit; it smells bad, tastes bad and feels bad. So why am I doing the cheating thing? I just have no other answer except I have done it for 23 years and old habits are a bitch to break. I will keep on it though, it is important to me not to return to the pack a day walking cancer victim.
The holidays, awww the holidays. They ROCKED. From Thanksgiving through New Years I loved them all. I am a spoiled Princess (you all know that though) and on top of all the wonderful things bestowed upon me I got to visit with everyone I love over the 6 week period. Plus I had a 10 days vacation with my BF! We were both able to take some time off work, visit with friends and family and generally relax and enjoy. It was awesome, especially seeing BOTH his kids. That was the best.
I generally think New Years Resolutions are BS cause no one I know every stick with them so I am not going to commit here (I did see one blog resolution – 5 in ’05 which I thought was inspiring and witty and I wish her much success!) but I will say this:
I am resolved to be a kinder and gentler person this year. I will respect and love those around me and I will give out to the world what I wish to receive in return.
Oh and I resolve to call my Best Friend more often too!
Kisses
Friday, November 19, 2004
I do Try...
If you gave me just a coin for every time we say goodbye
Well I’d be rich beyond my dreams,
I’m sorry for my weary life
I know I’m not perfect
but I can smile
And I hope that you see this heart
behind my tired eyes
If you tell me that I can’t,
I will, I will,
I’ll try all night
And if I say I’m coming home,
I’ll probably be out all night
I know I can be afraid
but I’m alive
And I hope that you can trust this heart behing my tired eyes
Cause I’m no angel,
but please don’t think that I won’t try and try
I’m no angel,
but does that mean that I can’t live my life
I’m no angel,
but please don’t think that I can’t cry
I’m no angel,
but does that mean that I won’t fly
I know I’m around each night
And I know I always think I’m right
I can believe that you might look around
Cause I’m no angel,
but please don’t think that I won’t try and try
I’m no angel,
but does that mean that I can’t live my life
I’m no angel,
but please don’t think that I can’t cry
I’m no angel,
but does that mean that I won’t fly
Well I’d be rich beyond my dreams,
I’m sorry for my weary life
I know I’m not perfect
but I can smile
And I hope that you see this heart
behind my tired eyes
If you tell me that I can’t,
I will, I will,
I’ll try all night
And if I say I’m coming home,
I’ll probably be out all night
I know I can be afraid
but I’m alive
And I hope that you can trust this heart behing my tired eyes
Cause I’m no angel,
but please don’t think that I won’t try and try
I’m no angel,
but does that mean that I can’t live my life
I’m no angel,
but please don’t think that I can’t cry
I’m no angel,
but does that mean that I won’t fly
I know I’m around each night
And I know I always think I’m right
I can believe that you might look around
Cause I’m no angel,
but please don’t think that I won’t try and try
I’m no angel,
but does that mean that I can’t live my life
I’m no angel,
but please don’t think that I can’t cry
I’m no angel,
but does that mean that I won’t fly
Tuesday, November 16, 2004
An Email from a Friend
ELECTION REFLECTIONS by Shailja Patel
Let's not deceive ourselves that a Kerry victory would have been a victory for peace or justice. Either a Kerry victory, or a Democrat majority in the Senate would have halted, to a limited extent, the assault on civil liberties and reproductive rights. In arenas of foreign policy, and economic and social justice, the Kerry agenda showed little or no difference from Bush's, other than not being driven by evangelical Christian fanaticism. Kerry is a multilingual, diplomatically polished, intellectually sophisticated imperialist; Bush is a wacko fundamentalist Christian semi-
literate imperialist.
Or, to quote Peter Phillips:
"November 2 gave us a choice between war and more war, corporate globalization and more corporate globalization; the continuation of gifting billions of dollars to Israel, the Patriot Act and an expanded Patriot Act; a police state and a seriously growing police state, media monopoly and even bigger media monopolies; and wealth inequality or an even greater wealth divide."
Read the full article at
http://www.dissidentvoice.org/Nov2004/Phillips1105.htm
So why was I so depressed on November 3rd? To start with, the results were devastating for progressive politics at state and local level.
11 states passed bans on same sex unions. Prop 66 (to amend the 3 strikes law) was defeated in California by the narrowest of margins.
Campaigns across the country that activist friends put their all into were defeated. Some of these defeats are actually a direct result of the huge redirection of funds, volunteer efforts, and political energy into the Get Bush Out movement.
I'm heartsick at the $1 billion that went into the Kerry campaign, and what those dollars could have done for communities across the world. This demonstrates beyond all question the need for campaign finance reform. The premise that nothing is fundable but opposition to Bush has gutted progressive work across the planet in the past year. And no election that is not publicly funded, and free of special interests money, is representative in any way of the people.
Until we get big money out of politics, the candidates available to us will continue to reflect nothing more than alternative brands of the same product.
Then there are the votes that weren't counted. Or destroyed. I've delayed sending out this mailing because every day, new information pours into my inbox on the level of fraud in this election. David Cobb (Green Party Presidential Candidate) and Michael Badnarik (Libertarian Presidential Candidate) have announced their intention to demand a formal recount of the vote in Ohio. Other organizations are mounting legal challenges to the results declared. You can read more at:
http://www.thenation.com/doc.mhtml?i=041129&s==corn
http://www.blackboxvoting.org
http://www.votecobb.org/
Regardless of the conclusions you come to, it's obvious that the two- party corporate-funded electoral system is so deeply flawed, it's incapable of delivering representative government.
Replacing one pilot with another doesn't change the inherent structural problems of the machine. And yet we on the Left get caught up, over and over again, in putting our resources and energies into the battle to change figureheads.
It's kind of like being at a huge sports event. You may loathe the Superbowl. You may know without doubt that it is a corporate-driven money making enterprise. You know it has nothing to do with the dreams and aspirations millions of individuals project onto the teams. But a funny thing happens when you're in the stadium. Everyone around you is screaming, cheering, booing, groaning. There's no question that it matters to them. Intensely. That each movement on the field somehow channels their deepest hopes and fears. That they believe the players are playing for them, not for the team owners, not for the corporate sponsors, not for the multi-million dollar contracts and endorsement deals. So you start to applaud, politely, when they scream at a touchdown. You get up when your friends leap up. You feel your own excitement build. You start to think "We scored! We can win!"
Only after it's over, and `your' team has lost, do you remember that it wasn't `your' team. That you didn't buy into the game; the game was not about you. That this game has entry stakes of millions of dollars. You were never anything other than a spectator..
Yes, the outlook for the next 4 years is horrifying. But it's no more horrifying today than it was on November 1st, before the election. We have to remind ourselves that the game was never ours by choice, and never gave us a real choice to start with. Reject the game, for as long as it takes. Assert, again and again, that our lives, all lives, are larger than this travesty, and get back to the real work of dismantling the system. Demand real choices, through electoral reform, campaign finance reform.
I'm not gonna say: Don't mourn, organize. It's patronizing and offensive; the Left has been organizing for hundreds of years. I will not say: the arc of history is long but it bends towards justice, blah blah blah, because I honestly don't know if that is true.
I am going to say: while we are alive, let's choose to live. Let's stretch our brains and wills until we feel it, to genuine, hard analysis of what works and what doesn't. What truly moves us towards peace and justice, for everyone in the world. Let's be willing to admit our illusions and go back to the real. Let's think about systems, about structures, about history.
Empires collapse. However long and hideous their dominance, eventually they crumble under their own greed, violence and sheer stupidity. We don't know if justice will ultimately prevail.
But as long as we are alive, we can choose what forces we align ourselves with. What side of history we're going to be on. There's a joy that comes from that, despite all we're up against.
Where do we turn for hope? Someone sent me a quote from Vaclav Havel this week. Havel said:
"Hope is not the optimistic conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out."
Professor Wangari Maathai, Kenyan hero and one of my personal inspirations, won the Nobel Peace Prize a few weeks ago. That makes sense. On a daily basis, we remind ourselves that justice makes sense. We choose what makes sense. That's hope.
by Shailja Patel
Let's not deceive ourselves that a Kerry victory would have been a victory for peace or justice. Either a Kerry victory, or a Democrat majority in the Senate would have halted, to a limited extent, the assault on civil liberties and reproductive rights. In arenas of foreign policy, and economic and social justice, the Kerry agenda showed little or no difference from Bush's, other than not being driven by evangelical Christian fanaticism. Kerry is a multilingual, diplomatically polished, intellectually sophisticated imperialist; Bush is a wacko fundamentalist Christian semi-
literate imperialist.
Or, to quote Peter Phillips:
"November 2 gave us a choice between war and more war, corporate globalization and more corporate globalization; the continuation of gifting billions of dollars to Israel, the Patriot Act and an expanded Patriot Act; a police state and a seriously growing police state, media monopoly and even bigger media monopolies; and wealth inequality or an even greater wealth divide."
Read the full article at
http://www.dissidentvoice.org/Nov2004/Phillips1105.htm
So why was I so depressed on November 3rd? To start with, the results were devastating for progressive politics at state and local level.
11 states passed bans on same sex unions. Prop 66 (to amend the 3 strikes law) was defeated in California by the narrowest of margins.
Campaigns across the country that activist friends put their all into were defeated. Some of these defeats are actually a direct result of the huge redirection of funds, volunteer efforts, and political energy into the Get Bush Out movement.
I'm heartsick at the $1 billion that went into the Kerry campaign, and what those dollars could have done for communities across the world. This demonstrates beyond all question the need for campaign finance reform. The premise that nothing is fundable but opposition to Bush has gutted progressive work across the planet in the past year. And no election that is not publicly funded, and free of special interests money, is representative in any way of the people.
Until we get big money out of politics, the candidates available to us will continue to reflect nothing more than alternative brands of the same product.
Then there are the votes that weren't counted. Or destroyed. I've delayed sending out this mailing because every day, new information pours into my inbox on the level of fraud in this election. David Cobb (Green Party Presidential Candidate) and Michael Badnarik (Libertarian Presidential Candidate) have announced their intention to demand a formal recount of the vote in Ohio. Other organizations are mounting legal challenges to the results declared. You can read more at:
http://www.thenation.com/doc.mhtml?i=041129&s==corn
http://www.blackboxvoting.org
http://www.votecobb.org/
Regardless of the conclusions you come to, it's obvious that the two- party corporate-funded electoral system is so deeply flawed, it's incapable of delivering representative government.
Replacing one pilot with another doesn't change the inherent structural problems of the machine. And yet we on the Left get caught up, over and over again, in putting our resources and energies into the battle to change figureheads.
It's kind of like being at a huge sports event. You may loathe the Superbowl. You may know without doubt that it is a corporate-driven money making enterprise. You know it has nothing to do with the dreams and aspirations millions of individuals project onto the teams. But a funny thing happens when you're in the stadium. Everyone around you is screaming, cheering, booing, groaning. There's no question that it matters to them. Intensely. That each movement on the field somehow channels their deepest hopes and fears. That they believe the players are playing for them, not for the team owners, not for the corporate sponsors, not for the multi-million dollar contracts and endorsement deals. So you start to applaud, politely, when they scream at a touchdown. You get up when your friends leap up. You feel your own excitement build. You start to think "We scored! We can win!"
Only after it's over, and `your' team has lost, do you remember that it wasn't `your' team. That you didn't buy into the game; the game was not about you. That this game has entry stakes of millions of dollars. You were never anything other than a spectator..
Yes, the outlook for the next 4 years is horrifying. But it's no more horrifying today than it was on November 1st, before the election. We have to remind ourselves that the game was never ours by choice, and never gave us a real choice to start with. Reject the game, for as long as it takes. Assert, again and again, that our lives, all lives, are larger than this travesty, and get back to the real work of dismantling the system. Demand real choices, through electoral reform, campaign finance reform.
I'm not gonna say: Don't mourn, organize. It's patronizing and offensive; the Left has been organizing for hundreds of years. I will not say: the arc of history is long but it bends towards justice, blah blah blah, because I honestly don't know if that is true.
I am going to say: while we are alive, let's choose to live. Let's stretch our brains and wills until we feel it, to genuine, hard analysis of what works and what doesn't. What truly moves us towards peace and justice, for everyone in the world. Let's be willing to admit our illusions and go back to the real. Let's think about systems, about structures, about history.
Empires collapse. However long and hideous their dominance, eventually they crumble under their own greed, violence and sheer stupidity. We don't know if justice will ultimately prevail.
But as long as we are alive, we can choose what forces we align ourselves with. What side of history we're going to be on. There's a joy that comes from that, despite all we're up against.
Where do we turn for hope? Someone sent me a quote from Vaclav Havel this week. Havel said:
"Hope is not the optimistic conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out."
Professor Wangari Maathai, Kenyan hero and one of my personal inspirations, won the Nobel Peace Prize a few weeks ago. That makes sense. On a daily basis, we remind ourselves that justice makes sense. We choose what makes sense. That's hope.
by Shailja Patel
Thursday, November 11, 2004
It is all I can do
I will their face
all on top of my face
I am the perfect target screen
For your blindly feuled rage
I bare the brunt
of your long buried pain
I don't mind helping you out
But I want you to remember my name
It's not all me
It's not all my fault
I need remind you,
but I won't take it all on
Past riddled rage
I see the buttons I engage
Is my dignity in place?
I'm all too happy to switch
It's not all me
It's not all my fault
I need remind you,
but I won't take it all on
Lest I find my voice
Find the strength to stand up to you
Lest I stay to my limit
And on take only what is mine to
We are a team
I'm here to help mend and rescind
All I trigger unknowingly
I job I hold in high esteem
It's not all me
It's not all my fault
I need remind you,
but I won't take it all on
I'll only take some of it
all on top of my face
I am the perfect target screen
For your blindly feuled rage
I bare the brunt
of your long buried pain
I don't mind helping you out
But I want you to remember my name
It's not all me
It's not all my fault
I need remind you,
but I won't take it all on
Past riddled rage
I see the buttons I engage
Is my dignity in place?
I'm all too happy to switch
It's not all me
It's not all my fault
I need remind you,
but I won't take it all on
Lest I find my voice
Find the strength to stand up to you
Lest I stay to my limit
And on take only what is mine to
We are a team
I'm here to help mend and rescind
All I trigger unknowingly
I job I hold in high esteem
It's not all me
It's not all my fault
I need remind you,
but I won't take it all on
I'll only take some of it
Wednesday, November 10, 2004
Never Easy
Every time you raise your voice
I see the greener grass
Every time you run for cover
I see this pasture
Every time we're in a funk
I picture a different choice
Every time we're in a rut
This distant grandeur
My tendency to want to do away feels natural
My urgency to dream of softer places feels understandable
The only way out is through
The faster we're in the better
The only way out is through ultimately
The only way out is through T
he only way we'll feel better
The only way out is through ultimately
Every time I'm confused
I think there must be easier ways
Every time our horns are locked on toweling throwing
Every time we're at a loss, we've bolted from difficulty
Anytime we're still made of final bowing
My tendency to want to hide away feels easier and
The tendency is picturing another place comforting to go
The only way out is through
The faster we're in the better
The only way out is through ultimately
The only way out is through
The only way we'll feel better
The only way out is through ultimately
We could just walk away and hide our hands in the sand
We could just call it quits, only to start over again
With somebody else
Every time we're stuck in struggle, I'm down for the count that down
Every time I dream of quick fix I'm swaged
Now I know it's hard when it's through
And I'm damned if I don't know quick fix way
But formerly mistreat me silence now outdated
My tendency to want to run feels unnatural now
The urgency to want to give to you what I want most feels good
The only way out is through
The faster we're in the better
The only way out is through ultimately
The only way out is through
The only way we'll feel better
The only way out is through ultimately
I see the greener grass
Every time you run for cover
I see this pasture
Every time we're in a funk
I picture a different choice
Every time we're in a rut
This distant grandeur
My tendency to want to do away feels natural
My urgency to dream of softer places feels understandable
The only way out is through
The faster we're in the better
The only way out is through ultimately
The only way out is through T
he only way we'll feel better
The only way out is through ultimately
Every time I'm confused
I think there must be easier ways
Every time our horns are locked on toweling throwing
Every time we're at a loss, we've bolted from difficulty
Anytime we're still made of final bowing
My tendency to want to hide away feels easier and
The tendency is picturing another place comforting to go
The only way out is through
The faster we're in the better
The only way out is through ultimately
The only way out is through
The only way we'll feel better
The only way out is through ultimately
We could just walk away and hide our hands in the sand
We could just call it quits, only to start over again
With somebody else
Every time we're stuck in struggle, I'm down for the count that down
Every time I dream of quick fix I'm swaged
Now I know it's hard when it's through
And I'm damned if I don't know quick fix way
But formerly mistreat me silence now outdated
My tendency to want to run feels unnatural now
The urgency to want to give to you what I want most feels good
The only way out is through
The faster we're in the better
The only way out is through ultimately
The only way out is through
The only way we'll feel better
The only way out is through ultimately
Tuesday, November 09, 2004
Portishead
It's a fire
These dreams they pass me by
This salvation I desire
Keeps getting me down
Cos we need to
Recognise mistakes
For time and again
So let it be known for what we believe in
I can see no reason for it to fail....
...Cos this life is a farce
I can't breathe through this mask
Like a fool
So breathe on, sister breathe om
From this oneself
Testify or tell
Its fooling us now
So let it be known for what we believe in
I can see no reason for it to fail...
Cos this life is a farce
I can't breathe through this mask
Like a fool
So breathe on, little sister, breathe on
Ohh so breathe on, little sister, like a fool
These dreams they pass me by
This salvation I desire
Keeps getting me down
Cos we need to
Recognise mistakes
For time and again
So let it be known for what we believe in
I can see no reason for it to fail....
...Cos this life is a farce
I can't breathe through this mask
Like a fool
So breathe on, sister breathe om
From this oneself
Testify or tell
Its fooling us now
So let it be known for what we believe in
I can see no reason for it to fail...
Cos this life is a farce
I can't breathe through this mask
Like a fool
So breathe on, little sister, breathe on
Ohh so breathe on, little sister, like a fool
NOT in my Country!
Fuckers...
http://news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/usatoday/20041109/pl_usatoday/druggistsrefusetogiveoutpill
Time to move to Europe.
Kisses
http://news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/usatoday/20041109/pl_usatoday/druggistsrefusetogiveoutpill
Time to move to Europe.
Kisses
Thank you Michael
17 Reasons Not to Slit Your Wrists...by Michael Moore
Dear Friends,
Ok, it sucks. Really sucks. But before you go and cash it all in, let's, in the words of Monty Python, “always look on the bright side of life!” There IS some good news from Tuesday's election.
Here are 17 reasons not to slit your wrists:
1. It is against the law for George W. Bush to run for president again.
2. Bush's victory was the NARROWEST win for a sitting president since Woodrow Wilson in 1916.
3. The only age group in which the majority voted for Kerry was young adults (Kerry: 54%, Bush: 44%), proving once again that your parents are always wrong and you should never listen to them.
4. In spite of Bush's win, the majority of Americans still think the country is headed in the wrong direction (56%), think the war wasn't worth fighting (51%), and don’t approve of the job George W. Bush is doing (52%). (Note to foreigners: Don't try to figure this one out. It's an American thing, like Pop Tarts.)
5. The Republicans will not have a filibuster-proof 60-seat majority in the Senate. If the Democrats do their job, Bush won't be able to pack the Supreme Court with right-wing ideologues. Did I say "if the Democrats do their job?" Um, maybe better to scratch this one.
6. Michigan voted for Kerry! So did the entire Northeast, the birthplace of our democracy. So did 6 of the 8 Great Lakes States. And the whole West Coast! Plus Hawaii. Ok, that's a start. We've got most of the fresh water, all of Broadway, and Mt. St. Helens. We can dehydrate them or bury them in lava. And no more show tunes!
7. Once again we are reminded that the buckeye is a nut, and not just any old nut -- a poisonous nut. A great nation was felled by a poisonous nut. May Ohio State pay dearly this Saturday when it faces Michigan.
8. 88% of Bush's support came from white voters. In 50 years, America will no longer have a white majority. Hey, 50 years isn't such a long time! If you're ten years old and reading this, your golden years will be truly golden and you will be well cared for in your old age.
9. Gays, thanks to the ballot measures passed on Tuesday, cannot get married in 11 new states. Thank God. Just think of all those wedding gifts we won't have to buy now.
10. Five more African Americans were elected as members of Congress, including the return of Cynthia McKinney of Georgia. It's always good to have more blacks in there fighting for us and doing the job our candidates can't.
11. The CEO of Coors was defeated for Senate in Colorado. Drink up!
12. Admit it: We like the Bush twins and we don't want them to go away.
13. At the state legislative level, Democrats picked up a net of at least 3 chambers in Tuesday's
elections. Of the 98 partisan-controlled state legislative chambers (house/assembly and senate), Democrats went into the 2004 elections in control of 44 chambers, Republicans controlled 53 chambers, and 1 chamber was tied. After Tuesday, Democrats now control 47 chambers, Republicans control 49 chambers, 1 chamber is tied and 1 chamber (Montana House) is still undecided.
14. Bush is now a lame duck president. He will have no greater moment than the one he's having this week. It's all downhill for him from here on out -- and, more significantly, he's just not going to want to do all the hard work that will be expected of him. It'll be like everyone's last month in 12th grade -- you've already made it, so it's party time! Perhaps he'll treat the next four years like a permanent Friday, spending even more time at the ranch or in Kennebunkport. And why shouldn't he? He's already proved his point, avenged his father and kicked our ass.
15. Should Bush decide to show up to work and take this country down a very dark road, it is also just as likely that either of the following two scenarios will happen: a) Now that he doesn't ever need to pander to the Christian conservatives again to get elected, someone may whisper in his ear that he should spend these last four years building "a legacy" so that history will render a kinder verdict on him and thus he will not push for too aggressive a right-wing agenda; or b) He will become so cocky and arrogant -- and thus, reckless -- that he will commit a blunder of such major proportions that even his own party will have to remove him from office.
16. There are nearly 300 million Americans -- 200 million of them of voting age. We only lost by three and a half million! That's not a landslide -- it means we're almost there. Imagine losing by 20 million. If you had 58 yards to go before you reached the goal line and then you barreled down 55 of those yards, would you stop on the three yard line, pick up the ball and go home crying -- especially when you get to start the next down on the three yard line? Of course not! Buck up! Have hope! More sports analogies are coming!!!
17. Finally and most importantly, over 55 million Americans voted for the candidate dubbed "The #1 Liberal in the Senate." That's more than the total number of voters who voted for either Reagan, Bush I, Clinton or Gore. Again, more people voted for Kerry than Reagan. If the media are looking for a trend it should be this -- that so many Americans were, for the first time since Kennedy, willing to vote for an out-and-out liberal. The country has always been filled with evangelicals -- that is not news. What IS news is that so many people have shifted toward a Massachusetts liberal. In fact, that's BIG news. Which means, don't expect the mainstream media, the ones who brought you the Iraq War, to ever report the real truth about November 2, 2004. In fact, it's better that they don't. We'll need the element of surprise in 2008.
Feeling better? I hope so. As my friend Mort wrote me yesterday, "My Romanian grandfather used to say to me, 'Remember, Morton, this is such a wonderful country -- it doesn't even need a president!'"
But it needs us. Rest up, I'll write you again tomorrow.
Yours,
Michael Moore MMFlint@aol.com www.michaelmoore.com
Kisses
Dear Friends,
Ok, it sucks. Really sucks. But before you go and cash it all in, let's, in the words of Monty Python, “always look on the bright side of life!” There IS some good news from Tuesday's election.
Here are 17 reasons not to slit your wrists:
1. It is against the law for George W. Bush to run for president again.
2. Bush's victory was the NARROWEST win for a sitting president since Woodrow Wilson in 1916.
3. The only age group in which the majority voted for Kerry was young adults (Kerry: 54%, Bush: 44%), proving once again that your parents are always wrong and you should never listen to them.
4. In spite of Bush's win, the majority of Americans still think the country is headed in the wrong direction (56%), think the war wasn't worth fighting (51%), and don’t approve of the job George W. Bush is doing (52%). (Note to foreigners: Don't try to figure this one out. It's an American thing, like Pop Tarts.)
5. The Republicans will not have a filibuster-proof 60-seat majority in the Senate. If the Democrats do their job, Bush won't be able to pack the Supreme Court with right-wing ideologues. Did I say "if the Democrats do their job?" Um, maybe better to scratch this one.
6. Michigan voted for Kerry! So did the entire Northeast, the birthplace of our democracy. So did 6 of the 8 Great Lakes States. And the whole West Coast! Plus Hawaii. Ok, that's a start. We've got most of the fresh water, all of Broadway, and Mt. St. Helens. We can dehydrate them or bury them in lava. And no more show tunes!
7. Once again we are reminded that the buckeye is a nut, and not just any old nut -- a poisonous nut. A great nation was felled by a poisonous nut. May Ohio State pay dearly this Saturday when it faces Michigan.
8. 88% of Bush's support came from white voters. In 50 years, America will no longer have a white majority. Hey, 50 years isn't such a long time! If you're ten years old and reading this, your golden years will be truly golden and you will be well cared for in your old age.
9. Gays, thanks to the ballot measures passed on Tuesday, cannot get married in 11 new states. Thank God. Just think of all those wedding gifts we won't have to buy now.
10. Five more African Americans were elected as members of Congress, including the return of Cynthia McKinney of Georgia. It's always good to have more blacks in there fighting for us and doing the job our candidates can't.
11. The CEO of Coors was defeated for Senate in Colorado. Drink up!
12. Admit it: We like the Bush twins and we don't want them to go away.
13. At the state legislative level, Democrats picked up a net of at least 3 chambers in Tuesday's
elections. Of the 98 partisan-controlled state legislative chambers (house/assembly and senate), Democrats went into the 2004 elections in control of 44 chambers, Republicans controlled 53 chambers, and 1 chamber was tied. After Tuesday, Democrats now control 47 chambers, Republicans control 49 chambers, 1 chamber is tied and 1 chamber (Montana House) is still undecided.
14. Bush is now a lame duck president. He will have no greater moment than the one he's having this week. It's all downhill for him from here on out -- and, more significantly, he's just not going to want to do all the hard work that will be expected of him. It'll be like everyone's last month in 12th grade -- you've already made it, so it's party time! Perhaps he'll treat the next four years like a permanent Friday, spending even more time at the ranch or in Kennebunkport. And why shouldn't he? He's already proved his point, avenged his father and kicked our ass.
15. Should Bush decide to show up to work and take this country down a very dark road, it is also just as likely that either of the following two scenarios will happen: a) Now that he doesn't ever need to pander to the Christian conservatives again to get elected, someone may whisper in his ear that he should spend these last four years building "a legacy" so that history will render a kinder verdict on him and thus he will not push for too aggressive a right-wing agenda; or b) He will become so cocky and arrogant -- and thus, reckless -- that he will commit a blunder of such major proportions that even his own party will have to remove him from office.
16. There are nearly 300 million Americans -- 200 million of them of voting age. We only lost by three and a half million! That's not a landslide -- it means we're almost there. Imagine losing by 20 million. If you had 58 yards to go before you reached the goal line and then you barreled down 55 of those yards, would you stop on the three yard line, pick up the ball and go home crying -- especially when you get to start the next down on the three yard line? Of course not! Buck up! Have hope! More sports analogies are coming!!!
17. Finally and most importantly, over 55 million Americans voted for the candidate dubbed "The #1 Liberal in the Senate." That's more than the total number of voters who voted for either Reagan, Bush I, Clinton or Gore. Again, more people voted for Kerry than Reagan. If the media are looking for a trend it should be this -- that so many Americans were, for the first time since Kennedy, willing to vote for an out-and-out liberal. The country has always been filled with evangelicals -- that is not news. What IS news is that so many people have shifted toward a Massachusetts liberal. In fact, that's BIG news. Which means, don't expect the mainstream media, the ones who brought you the Iraq War, to ever report the real truth about November 2, 2004. In fact, it's better that they don't. We'll need the element of surprise in 2008.
Feeling better? I hope so. As my friend Mort wrote me yesterday, "My Romanian grandfather used to say to me, 'Remember, Morton, this is such a wonderful country -- it doesn't even need a president!'"
But it needs us. Rest up, I'll write you again tomorrow.
Yours,
Michael Moore MMFlint@aol.com www.michaelmoore.com
Kisses
Friday, November 05, 2004
Christmas makes me giddy...
My GOD I love shopping. It is almost a sickness, but my BF says he really enjoys watching me shop so I will remain illin'. I have nearly finished purchasing Xmas gifts for my BF's family, then we will cover mine and finally friends. It is going to be a GREAT Xmas. My BF and I love the holidays and we have spent the last couple of years together with our families, both in Marin and in SD. This year will be no different. Except I think it may even be better than the last few because the man and I have finally figured it out.
I am looking forward to spending time with the BF's dad and step-mom. Have only had one dinner with them and it was something. Can't wait to hang out with his mom too, I just love her and her husband! They are so good to me.
Of course, my family is a blast. Goofy like me, festive in a kinda over the top way (ummm, just like me). I can't wait!
Kisses
I am looking forward to spending time with the BF's dad and step-mom. Have only had one dinner with them and it was something. Can't wait to hang out with his mom too, I just love her and her husband! They are so good to me.
Of course, my family is a blast. Goofy like me, festive in a kinda over the top way (ummm, just like me). I can't wait!
Kisses
Thursday, November 04, 2004
Wednesday, November 03, 2004
I just don't own enough Satan Jewelry!
Catch up already...
Big news of the day...this:
http://www.audiusa.com/model_home/0,,bodyStyleId-1,00.html?bodystyle=a4sedan
That's right! I bought myself a 2005 A4. My car was a 2001 and out of warranty (this is where I get my nickname). It is black on black and so beautiful I almost cry whenever I walk out the door and see it sitting there waiting for me. I am my mother's daughter, that is for sure.
In other news, let me say that the elections made me so sad. Carmen and I have agreed to get our citizenships (mine English, hers Spanish, both on our mothers side) and move to Europe when she graduates. I am shocked that the nation is so ignorant and or stupid as to let that man stay in office for another four years:
PLEASE CONSIDER MY EXPERIENCE WHEN VOTING IN 2004…errrr
EXPERIENCE AND EDUCATION
Law Enforcement:
I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine, in 1976 for driving under the influence of alcohol. I pleaded guilty, paid a fine, and had my driver's license suspended for 30 days. My Texas driving record has been "lost" and is not available.
Military:
I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL. I refused to take a drug test or answer any questions about my drug use. By joining the Texas Air National Guard, I was able to avoid combat duty in Vietnam.
College:
I graduated from Yale University with a low C average. I was a cheerleader.
PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:
I ran for U.S. Congress and lost.
I began my career in the oil business in Midland, Texas in 1975.
I bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas.
The company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.
I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land using taxpayer money.
With the help of my father and our friends in the oil industry (including Enron CEO Ken Lay), I was elected governor of Texas.
ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR OF TEXAS:
I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and oil companies, making Texas the most polluted state in the Union. During my tenure, Houston replaced Los Angeles as the most smog-ridden city in America.
I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury to the tune of billions in borrowed money.
I set the record for the most executions by any governor in American history.
With the help of my brother, the governor of Florida, and my father's appointments to the Supreme Court, I became President after losing by over 500,000 votes.
ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:
I am the first President in U.S. history to enter office with a criminal record.
I invaded and occupied two countries at a continuing cost of *over one billion dollars per week*.
I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively bankrupted the U.S. Treasury.
I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit in U.S. history.
I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12-month period.
I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period.
I set the all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of the U.S. stock market.
In my first year in office, over 2 million Americans lost their jobs and that trend continues every month.
I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in U.S. history. My "poorest millionaire," Condoleeza Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named after her.
I set the record for most campaign fundraising trips by a U.S. President.
I am the all-time U.S. and world record-holder for receiving the most corporate campaign donations.
One of my best friends, Kenneth Lay, presided over the largest corporate bankruptcy fraud in U.S. History, Enron.
My political party used Enron private jets and corporate attorneys to assure my success with the U.S. Supreme Court during my election decision.
I have protected my friends at Enron and Halliburton against investigation or prosecution. More time and money was spent investigating the Monica Lewinsky affair than has been spent investigating one of the biggest corporate rip-offs in history.
I presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S. history and refused to intervene when corruption involving the oil industry was revealed.
I presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history.
I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts.
I appointed more convicted criminals to administration than any President in U.S. history.
I created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the largest bureaucracy in the history of the United States government.
I've broken more international treaties than any President in U.S. history.
I am the first President in U.S. history to have the United Nations remove the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission.
I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law.
I refused to allow inspector's access to U.S. "prisoners of war" detainees and thereby have refused to abide by the Geneva Convention.
I am the first President in history to refuse United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. election).
I set the record for fewest numbers of press conferences of any President since the advent of television.
I set the all-time record for most days on vacation in any one-year period. After taking off the entire month of August, I presided over the worst security failure in U.S. history.
I garnered the most sympathy for the U.S. after the World Trade Center attacks and less than a year later made the U.S. the most hated country in the world, the largest failure of diplomacy in world history.
I have set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously protest me in public venues (15 million people), shattering the record for protests against any person in the history of mankind.
I am the first President in U.S. history to order an unprovoked, preemptive attack and the military occupation of a sovereign nation. I did so against the will of the United Nations, the majority of U.S. citizens, and the world community.
I have cut health care benefits for war veterans and support a cut in duty benefits for active duty troops and their families -- in wartime.
In my State of the Union Address, I lied about our reasons for attacking Iraq and then blamed the lies on our British friends.
I am the first President in history to have a majority of Europeans (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and security.
I am supporting development of a nuclear "Tactical Bunker Buster," a WMD.
I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to bring Osama Bin Laden to justice.
During the Iraq War and Occupation thousands of American troops were injured and killed. I did not have the time to attend any of the funerals for our fallen soldiers but I did have the time to attend more than 43 fundraising events of the Republican party.
RECORDS AND REFERENCES:
All records of my tenure as governor of Texas are now in my father's library, sealed and unavailable for public view.
All records of SEC investigations into my insider trading and my bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.
All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my Vice-President, attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review.
Our President...makes you proud, don't it?
Kisses
Big news of the day...this:
http://www.audiusa.com/model_home/0,,bodyStyleId-1,00.html?bodystyle=a4sedan
That's right! I bought myself a 2005 A4. My car was a 2001 and out of warranty (this is where I get my nickname). It is black on black and so beautiful I almost cry whenever I walk out the door and see it sitting there waiting for me. I am my mother's daughter, that is for sure.
In other news, let me say that the elections made me so sad. Carmen and I have agreed to get our citizenships (mine English, hers Spanish, both on our mothers side) and move to Europe when she graduates. I am shocked that the nation is so ignorant and or stupid as to let that man stay in office for another four years:
PLEASE CONSIDER MY EXPERIENCE WHEN VOTING IN 2004…errrr
EXPERIENCE AND EDUCATION
Law Enforcement:
I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine, in 1976 for driving under the influence of alcohol. I pleaded guilty, paid a fine, and had my driver's license suspended for 30 days. My Texas driving record has been "lost" and is not available.
Military:
I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL. I refused to take a drug test or answer any questions about my drug use. By joining the Texas Air National Guard, I was able to avoid combat duty in Vietnam.
College:
I graduated from Yale University with a low C average. I was a cheerleader.
PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:
I ran for U.S. Congress and lost.
I began my career in the oil business in Midland, Texas in 1975.
I bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas.
The company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.
I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land using taxpayer money.
With the help of my father and our friends in the oil industry (including Enron CEO Ken Lay), I was elected governor of Texas.
ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR OF TEXAS:
I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and oil companies, making Texas the most polluted state in the Union. During my tenure, Houston replaced Los Angeles as the most smog-ridden city in America.
I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury to the tune of billions in borrowed money.
I set the record for the most executions by any governor in American history.
With the help of my brother, the governor of Florida, and my father's appointments to the Supreme Court, I became President after losing by over 500,000 votes.
ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:
I am the first President in U.S. history to enter office with a criminal record.
I invaded and occupied two countries at a continuing cost of *over one billion dollars per week*.
I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively bankrupted the U.S. Treasury.
I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit in U.S. history.
I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12-month period.
I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period.
I set the all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of the U.S. stock market.
In my first year in office, over 2 million Americans lost their jobs and that trend continues every month.
I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in U.S. history. My "poorest millionaire," Condoleeza Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named after her.
I set the record for most campaign fundraising trips by a U.S. President.
I am the all-time U.S. and world record-holder for receiving the most corporate campaign donations.
One of my best friends, Kenneth Lay, presided over the largest corporate bankruptcy fraud in U.S. History, Enron.
My political party used Enron private jets and corporate attorneys to assure my success with the U.S. Supreme Court during my election decision.
I have protected my friends at Enron and Halliburton against investigation or prosecution. More time and money was spent investigating the Monica Lewinsky affair than has been spent investigating one of the biggest corporate rip-offs in history.
I presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S. history and refused to intervene when corruption involving the oil industry was revealed.
I presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history.
I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts.
I appointed more convicted criminals to administration than any President in U.S. history.
I created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the largest bureaucracy in the history of the United States government.
I've broken more international treaties than any President in U.S. history.
I am the first President in U.S. history to have the United Nations remove the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission.
I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law.
I refused to allow inspector's access to U.S. "prisoners of war" detainees and thereby have refused to abide by the Geneva Convention.
I am the first President in history to refuse United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. election).
I set the record for fewest numbers of press conferences of any President since the advent of television.
I set the all-time record for most days on vacation in any one-year period. After taking off the entire month of August, I presided over the worst security failure in U.S. history.
I garnered the most sympathy for the U.S. after the World Trade Center attacks and less than a year later made the U.S. the most hated country in the world, the largest failure of diplomacy in world history.
I have set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously protest me in public venues (15 million people), shattering the record for protests against any person in the history of mankind.
I am the first President in U.S. history to order an unprovoked, preemptive attack and the military occupation of a sovereign nation. I did so against the will of the United Nations, the majority of U.S. citizens, and the world community.
I have cut health care benefits for war veterans and support a cut in duty benefits for active duty troops and their families -- in wartime.
In my State of the Union Address, I lied about our reasons for attacking Iraq and then blamed the lies on our British friends.
I am the first President in history to have a majority of Europeans (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and security.
I am supporting development of a nuclear "Tactical Bunker Buster," a WMD.
I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to bring Osama Bin Laden to justice.
During the Iraq War and Occupation thousands of American troops were injured and killed. I did not have the time to attend any of the funerals for our fallen soldiers but I did have the time to attend more than 43 fundraising events of the Republican party.
RECORDS AND REFERENCES:
All records of my tenure as governor of Texas are now in my father's library, sealed and unavailable for public view.
All records of SEC investigations into my insider trading and my bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.
All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my Vice-President, attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review.
Our President...makes you proud, don't it?
Kisses
Monday, October 25, 2004
Most of us have one of these...
A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.
Saturday, September 25, 2004
The Golden Gate Bridge has a HUGE button!
First of all, I know all of you thought I had become a smoker since I hadn't posted but you are wrong, wrong, wrong (and not very supportive.) I am three days from a full month of not smoking and it is making me giddy!
I had the loveliest day today. My man and I went for a stroll on the GG Bridge. He had never done it and I have only gone once (bad Bay Area babe!) so he dragged my lazy butt away from my latest obession (Jewel Quest {thanks Pea}) and we went for lunch and then a walk over the water. The fog was low so it was chilly but we walked hand-in-hand and laughed and made fun of one another (and of others I am afraid) until we couldn't take it anymore. This man makes me smile so often my teeth hurt. I don't think there is a level of silliness he won't sink to. How cute is that?
Kisses
I had the loveliest day today. My man and I went for a stroll on the GG Bridge. He had never done it and I have only gone once (bad Bay Area babe!) so he dragged my lazy butt away from my latest obession (Jewel Quest {thanks Pea}) and we went for lunch and then a walk over the water. The fog was low so it was chilly but we walked hand-in-hand and laughed and made fun of one another (and of others I am afraid) until we couldn't take it anymore. This man makes me smile so often my teeth hurt. I don't think there is a level of silliness he won't sink to. How cute is that?
Kisses
Sunday, September 05, 2004
Saturday, September 04, 2004
Four to the Floor
Day four has been the worst so far. Must be because I had smokers at my house. We had a big BBQ with about 15 people. I ate non-stop (this should be fun) and spent a lot of the day hiding in my room. wOOt! Fun girl that I am. I can say that everyone was really nice about it, made me feel like it was ok to be close to the edge. Perhaps some sleep and water will make it all better.
Kisses
Kisses
Friday, September 03, 2004
Three - That's the Magic Number
OK, so three days. Cool. Worst part is the sleepless nights and malaria nightmares. Otherwise this is really good. My BF and I plan on staying in all weekend, sleeping and watching movies. He is helping me along. He is the best. (except when he gets all cranky on me, then I want to pinch him.)
Kisses
Kisses
Thursday, September 02, 2004
Day Two
And everyone is still alive! Everyone said it would be the worst thing EVER. So far (crossing my fingers) it has been OK. Annoying moments, little twinges, stuff like that, but nothing I haven't been able to breathe through.
Thank you to all my friends and family for your loving support. And THANK YOU to my loving BF who is being so kind and generous. You truly are the best.
Kisses
Thank you to all my friends and family for your loving support. And THANK YOU to my loving BF who is being so kind and generous. You truly are the best.
Kisses
Wednesday, September 01, 2004
The Camel Has Died
Today is my first day as a non-smoker. One day at a time, lots of lollipops.
(sweet & fresh) Kisses
(sweet & fresh) Kisses
Tuesday, August 31, 2004
Silly Happy B-Day Girl
Today is my 35th bday. I am SPOILED. I had a party thrown for me on Friday night. My lovely friends made me wear a tiara all night. I wasn't alone. Dona made me gift bags to give to all my "ladies in waiting". Each contained a smaller tiara, lipgloss, a stuffed frog prince, a wand, and a rose candle. It was the sweetest thing. All the men had to wear crowns. Kris had a huge Princess Cake made for me. Carmen flew in with Alex and we spent the whole weekend laughing and snuggling. It was really nice.
Sunday my parents had a small supper party for me. Chatuea Brion, twice backed potatoes, veggies and a few FANTASTIC bottles of wine. I love that about dinner with the folks (dad and step-mom). Dinner was followed by....a Princess Cake (getting the theme here?)
Tonight my boyfriend and family (me, mom, and sister) are making me dessert and giving me many presents..heh. I am praying it isn't another Princess Cake.
Kisses
Sunday my parents had a small supper party for me. Chatuea Brion, twice backed potatoes, veggies and a few FANTASTIC bottles of wine. I love that about dinner with the folks (dad and step-mom). Dinner was followed by....a Princess Cake (getting the theme here?)
Tonight my boyfriend and family (me, mom, and sister) are making me dessert and giving me many presents..heh. I am praying it isn't another Princess Cake.
Kisses
Tuesday, August 24, 2004
The Down and Dirty
My BF moved in with me. Yep, that's the truth of it. In addition, he is now working with me as well. So far it seems to be going well. We haven't really been living together since he moved in because I was house-sitting one house while he was sitting our house, but I think I am kinda digging him being around. He is VERY sweet to me. Makes me laugh and smile all the time, and generally keeps to his side of the bed. I think he knows about the invisible line I have drawn.
We have had a pretty rough time getting to this place together, but I am feeling it has all been worth it.
Today is his birthday so HAPPY BIRTHDAY babe. Name your gift ;).
We have been watching the only season of Firefly together. I am really digging it! Super geeky and fun.
They are throwing me a BDAY bash on Friday at The Beauty Bar. I think close to 100 people were invited. So far looks like a pretty good turn out. Kinda freaks me out a little, not real good with the "center of attention" thing. Being a Princess doesn't make you not shy, just makes you spoiled ;). I am so very grateful to my friends who are doing this for me. They are such loving people, they really make me feel special. My BEST Friend is even flying in from Philly JUST to spend my BDAY with me. She ROCKS! I miss her so much since she moved away to school (all of two weeks ago, lol)! Can't wait to see her LOVELY face.
My BF took me shopping this weekend. New clothes, new books, and Chai Tea. We had a lovely time driving around in the convertible and getting all sunny. I just really enjoy spending time with him.
One week till I quit smoking and turn 35....yikes! Wish me luck.
Kisses
We have had a pretty rough time getting to this place together, but I am feeling it has all been worth it.
Today is his birthday so HAPPY BIRTHDAY babe. Name your gift ;).
We have been watching the only season of Firefly together. I am really digging it! Super geeky and fun.
They are throwing me a BDAY bash on Friday at The Beauty Bar. I think close to 100 people were invited. So far looks like a pretty good turn out. Kinda freaks me out a little, not real good with the "center of attention" thing. Being a Princess doesn't make you not shy, just makes you spoiled ;). I am so very grateful to my friends who are doing this for me. They are such loving people, they really make me feel special. My BEST Friend is even flying in from Philly JUST to spend my BDAY with me. She ROCKS! I miss her so much since she moved away to school (all of two weeks ago, lol)! Can't wait to see her LOVELY face.
My BF took me shopping this weekend. New clothes, new books, and Chai Tea. We had a lovely time driving around in the convertible and getting all sunny. I just really enjoy spending time with him.
One week till I quit smoking and turn 35....yikes! Wish me luck.
Kisses
Tuesday, July 13, 2004
#4131
I have been walking around with a Fuji Dole sticker on my forehead all day. People just point and stare. They don't understand.
I miss my Boyfriend...
I miss my Boyfriend...
Tuesday, June 08, 2004
It’s Been Awhile
Do I only post when I am sad. Seems so. Not only am I lazy, but I haven’t really been able to talk a lot about the happenings in my life…shhhsh, it’s a secret.
I can be an asshole of the grandest kind
I can withhold like it’s going out of style
I can be the moodiest baby and you’ve never met anyone
who is as negative as I am sometimes
I am the wisest woman you've ever met.
I am the kindest soul with whom you've connected.
I have the bravest heart that you've ever seen
And you've never met anyone
Who's as positive as I am sometimes.
You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can’t relate
And you’re still here
I blame everyone else, not my own partaking
My passive-aggressiveness can be devastating
I'm terrified and mistrusting
And you’ve never met anyone as,
As closed down as I am sometimes.
You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can’t relate
And you’re still here
What I resist, persists, and speaks louder than I know
What I resist, you love, no matter how low or high I go
I'm the funniest woman you've ever known.
I am the dullest woman you've ever known.
I'm the most gorgeous woman you've ever known
And you've never met anyone as, as everything as I am sometimes.
You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can’t relate
And you’re still here
And you’re still here
And you're still here...
Well not really.
Things move so fast. One minute, safe, sound, secure. The next…whooosshhh, rug, pulled, on my ass.
I am used to being on my ass. Seems like I set it up to happen, over and over, and over again. Kinda silly, isn’t it? I think love makes me a really easy target. Anyone else want to take aim? I didn’t think so. Some day I think things will settle down, some one will see the special in me and it will all make me melt. Until then…I think he said…c’est la vie.
Kisses
I can be an asshole of the grandest kind
I can withhold like it’s going out of style
I can be the moodiest baby and you’ve never met anyone
who is as negative as I am sometimes
I am the wisest woman you've ever met.
I am the kindest soul with whom you've connected.
I have the bravest heart that you've ever seen
And you've never met anyone
Who's as positive as I am sometimes.
You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can’t relate
And you’re still here
I blame everyone else, not my own partaking
My passive-aggressiveness can be devastating
I'm terrified and mistrusting
And you’ve never met anyone as,
As closed down as I am sometimes.
You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can’t relate
And you’re still here
What I resist, persists, and speaks louder than I know
What I resist, you love, no matter how low or high I go
I'm the funniest woman you've ever known.
I am the dullest woman you've ever known.
I'm the most gorgeous woman you've ever known
And you've never met anyone as, as everything as I am sometimes.
You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can’t relate
And you’re still here
And you’re still here
And you're still here...
Well not really.
Things move so fast. One minute, safe, sound, secure. The next…whooosshhh, rug, pulled, on my ass.
I am used to being on my ass. Seems like I set it up to happen, over and over, and over again. Kinda silly, isn’t it? I think love makes me a really easy target. Anyone else want to take aim? I didn’t think so. Some day I think things will settle down, some one will see the special in me and it will all make me melt. Until then…I think he said…c’est la vie.
Kisses
Friday, March 05, 2004
Sleep Comes Down
Sometimes, like tonight, I think I will sleep. I hope the nightmares leave me alone.
Bricks
I am waited down. I find it hard to breathe at times. I think about all the new information I have to take in and I am without air. I am in love.
Sometimes it isn't what we expect. I thought for sure this news would bring me nothing but joy, instead I am nothing but confused. I am finding it hard to sleep at night, food seems silly and not much can make me laugh. Not what I had in mind. How can I accept all these feelings and let things happen as they will. I am not sure I can. Perhaps I should walk away, find a safe place to hide and hope it will all pass. It hasn't so far; I must be kidding myself. I am in love.
Sometimes it isn't what we expect. I thought for sure this news would bring me nothing but joy, instead I am nothing but confused. I am finding it hard to sleep at night, food seems silly and not much can make me laugh. Not what I had in mind. How can I accept all these feelings and let things happen as they will. I am not sure I can. Perhaps I should walk away, find a safe place to hide and hope it will all pass. It hasn't so far; I must be kidding myself. I am in love.
Monday, February 16, 2004
Am I boring you yet?
It has been a rough week. My Carmelinda lost her grandpa and is in Minnesota at his funeral today. I didn't have the funds to go with her, which really upset me, but times are what they are so I settled it with myself. Prior to going to Minn., she had an interview at Bryn Mawr on Friday. I know it was really hard for her to even sit through the interview, but she said it went VERY well! An Ivy League school for Pea!! I hope she gets in, that would rock.
Yoga is super cool. After my second class I learned to relax into my poses and it turns out you wont be sore the next day. Who knew? (ummm, my teacher). I love the class, I am gonna start sneaking into Wednesdays also!! Although I still have to use blocks for most poses, I am getting closer and closer to touching my toes...heh.
Kisses
Yoga is super cool. After my second class I learned to relax into my poses and it turns out you wont be sore the next day. Who knew? (ummm, my teacher). I love the class, I am gonna start sneaking into Wednesdays also!! Although I still have to use blocks for most poses, I am getting closer and closer to touching my toes...heh.
Kisses
Monday, February 02, 2004
Maggie I wish I'd Never Seen Your Face
We got a new puppy!!! He is so damn cute, Mom named him Lincoln (a family name) but she changes it so often who knows if it will stick. He is all white except his ears and nose, which are spotted black and pink. He is about 12 weeks old, a mix of Great Dane and the Budwieser dog. he is a love, we napped together today.
I went to add classes today at school, I couldn't get into my Yoga class on Mondays and Wednesdays so I am moving it to Tuesdays and Thursdays which means no French class. A drag but I will take an Art class instead. Being on campus was cool. I thought I would feel really old but there is a HUGE adult population there so I was completely comfortable.
My ears are healed and I am hoping to go to Industrial Steel this week for new earrings. They have a huge collection of 10 gauge earrings so Carmen and I will prolly head over there after school one day. After school, heh.
Kisses
I went to add classes today at school, I couldn't get into my Yoga class on Mondays and Wednesdays so I am moving it to Tuesdays and Thursdays which means no French class. A drag but I will take an Art class instead. Being on campus was cool. I thought I would feel really old but there is a HUGE adult population there so I was completely comfortable.
My ears are healed and I am hoping to go to Industrial Steel this week for new earrings. They have a huge collection of 10 gauge earrings so Carmen and I will prolly head over there after school one day. After school, heh.
Kisses
Wednesday, January 28, 2004
OK, Ouch!
Carmen, Alex (her new man) and I went to Body Manipulations this evening...suffice to say I can NEVER walk into a place like that without doing SOMETHING, so I up-gauged my earrings. I went from an 18 to a 10. It stung man! But they are lovely and I have steel hoops with pink tigers eye capture beads. I figure by Friday I won't feel a thing. Carmen went from a 10 to an 8 and Alex peirced his tongue. A fun time for all.
My last day at work is Friday. I can not wait to be outta there. My life is gonna change pretty fast here. I am signing up for some classes on Friday afternoon at College of Marin. I am super excited.
I am in the process of changing my meds which means "washing" the Prozac outta my system (ugh, it makes me sooooo tired) and then in a month starting something new. I have a meeting with my Doc on Friday to discuss stragety to keeping me happy and sane.
Everything, well it will fall into place. I am finally letting go of everything toxic in my life and I think I will be a better person for it.
Kisses
My last day at work is Friday. I can not wait to be outta there. My life is gonna change pretty fast here. I am signing up for some classes on Friday afternoon at College of Marin. I am super excited.
I am in the process of changing my meds which means "washing" the Prozac outta my system (ugh, it makes me sooooo tired) and then in a month starting something new. I have a meeting with my Doc on Friday to discuss stragety to keeping me happy and sane.
Everything, well it will fall into place. I am finally letting go of everything toxic in my life and I think I will be a better person for it.
Kisses
Wednesday, January 21, 2004
Who Knew
Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are
I had to find you
Tell you I need you
Tell you I set you apart
Tell me your secrets
And nurse me your questions
Oh let's go back to the start
Running in circles
Coming in tales
Heads are a science apart
Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
Oh take me back to the start
I was just guessing
At numbers and figures
Pulling your puzzles apart
Questions of science
Science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart
Tell me you love me
Come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start
Running in circles
Chasing our tails
Coming back as we are
Nobody said it was easy
Oh it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard
I'm going back to the start
You don't know how lovely you are
I had to find you
Tell you I need you
Tell you I set you apart
Tell me your secrets
And nurse me your questions
Oh let's go back to the start
Running in circles
Coming in tales
Heads are a science apart
Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
Oh take me back to the start
I was just guessing
At numbers and figures
Pulling your puzzles apart
Questions of science
Science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart
Tell me you love me
Come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start
Running in circles
Chasing our tails
Coming back as we are
Nobody said it was easy
Oh it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard
I'm going back to the start
Tuesday, January 13, 2004
Soul Weary Tired
I resigned from my job with the government. Yep, thats me...unemployed again. Well not right away actually, I have a few months to finalize my short-life with the Man. I am so done. I will look for something new, I will be ok.
My fatherhas offered me his Mercedes in exchange for my Audi. I get his free, he gets my payments. I will really have to consider this offer, it seems pretty rocking.
Things are changing in my life. The end of a long-time ride. I am both thrilled and saddened. It is time. Soon it will all be over.
Kisses
My fatherhas offered me his Mercedes in exchange for my Audi. I get his free, he gets my payments. I will really have to consider this offer, it seems pretty rocking.
Things are changing in my life. The end of a long-time ride. I am both thrilled and saddened. It is time. Soon it will all be over.
Kisses
Monday, November 17, 2003
Just the Way
Do you remember once upon a time
When you were mine
The stars above were bright and new
I pulled them down for you
Just when I fell in love again
You said that all good things must end
Baby, that's just the way it is Baby
Baby, that's just the way it is Baby
I never had a head for solitare
It's so unfair
That I'd should have my chance and lose
Feel like I've been used to help you
Through another night
You spelled in out in black and white
Baby, that's just the way it is Baby
Baby, that's just the way it is Baby
The tides that had once carried you away
They bring you back again today
Time has washed away my pain
You'll find that things have changed
And disappeared without a trace
You can't get back what you've erased
And I say
Baby, that's just the way it is Baby
That's just the way it is
Baby, that's just the way it is Baby
That's just the way it is
When you were mine
The stars above were bright and new
I pulled them down for you
Just when I fell in love again
You said that all good things must end
Baby, that's just the way it is Baby
Baby, that's just the way it is Baby
I never had a head for solitare
It's so unfair
That I'd should have my chance and lose
Feel like I've been used to help you
Through another night
You spelled in out in black and white
Baby, that's just the way it is Baby
Baby, that's just the way it is Baby
The tides that had once carried you away
They bring you back again today
Time has washed away my pain
You'll find that things have changed
And disappeared without a trace
You can't get back what you've erased
And I say
Baby, that's just the way it is Baby
That's just the way it is
Baby, that's just the way it is Baby
That's just the way it is
Sunday, October 26, 2003
Chasing the Devil's Tail (Tale?)
I am a lagger. I know it, you know it, so be it. I am still recovering from my yearlong, sleep as late as you want, party like a rock-star vacation. It was so nice, and working is such a bitch sometimes, but money is nice and so is being useful. The job itself? Well….it is ok. The government is a very different place to work. I keep forgetting I am not the top dog, so to speak, and getting most things DONE (as in finalized) is a beast. They love me there, which is great, but it is a struggle not to constantly say things like “OH, come on, it is a SIMPLE thing, let’s make a decision here.” That wouldn’t go over well, but I think it a lot…heh.
Living in Marin with my mom rocks. I was a little stressed because I had my kitties with a friend and I wasn’t able to move on, umm, moving as fast as I had hoped, but we resolved that issue a week ago, and I have my kitties with me now! All three, and me, in my room…lol. It is fucking hilarious. We fight over the bed every night, and they usually win. Other than that, and the hair, it is great. They are so cool. Soon I will be letting them outside to roam. They stare longingly all day out the window…it is time.
I have been having the weirdest dreams for the past two months. I am trying so hard, before I go to sleep, to think of things I would like to dream about but it never works out. I process a lot in my dreams so I know it is a good thing, but I wake up some mornings so bent out of shape. It makes me more tired than I would otherwise be.
I got a new tattoo for my birthday (thank you everyone who made it possible.) She is lovely, and I am working on posting her picture under my tattoo page A.S.A.P so keep checking in. I just have to remember how to update the damn thing, heh. I have her and dozens of other pictures to post I just haven’t had time. Soon, I swear.
Halloween is coming up so soon. A kinda weird time for me. I am really looking forward to trick-or-treating with the kids, but some one is missing this year and it makes my heart hurt. I know it just is what it is, but I still feel it. I am going to Jerry and Ritchie’s for the usual huge bash. I am so pleased Halloween is on a Friday, gives me more time to recover, which we all usually need after a night at J & R’s. I still have not decided on a final costume, although a cowgirl is not out of the question. We shall see.
So in general, life is really good. I am happy, I am sane and I am safe (well happy and sane most of the time.) My family is so supportive and loving, my friends are wonderful to me and my bills are under control. What more can a girl ask for?
Kisses
Living in Marin with my mom rocks. I was a little stressed because I had my kitties with a friend and I wasn’t able to move on, umm, moving as fast as I had hoped, but we resolved that issue a week ago, and I have my kitties with me now! All three, and me, in my room…lol. It is fucking hilarious. We fight over the bed every night, and they usually win. Other than that, and the hair, it is great. They are so cool. Soon I will be letting them outside to roam. They stare longingly all day out the window…it is time.
I have been having the weirdest dreams for the past two months. I am trying so hard, before I go to sleep, to think of things I would like to dream about but it never works out. I process a lot in my dreams so I know it is a good thing, but I wake up some mornings so bent out of shape. It makes me more tired than I would otherwise be.
I got a new tattoo for my birthday (thank you everyone who made it possible.) She is lovely, and I am working on posting her picture under my tattoo page A.S.A.P so keep checking in. I just have to remember how to update the damn thing, heh. I have her and dozens of other pictures to post I just haven’t had time. Soon, I swear.
Halloween is coming up so soon. A kinda weird time for me. I am really looking forward to trick-or-treating with the kids, but some one is missing this year and it makes my heart hurt. I know it just is what it is, but I still feel it. I am going to Jerry and Ritchie’s for the usual huge bash. I am so pleased Halloween is on a Friday, gives me more time to recover, which we all usually need after a night at J & R’s. I still have not decided on a final costume, although a cowgirl is not out of the question. We shall see.
So in general, life is really good. I am happy, I am sane and I am safe (well happy and sane most of the time.) My family is so supportive and loving, my friends are wonderful to me and my bills are under control. What more can a girl ask for?
Kisses
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