Good Days Too

There are some really good days too. Paulie took Carmen, Lura and I to the Q Ball last night. First of all, THANK YOU PAULIE. You are always so kind and loving and generous. We had an amazing time. Andy and Brinn, the owners of Q went all out for our fun. The general theme was French. We had a four course meal. Each meal had a different wine with each course. We six different performers, including a contortionist, a flame dancer and a juggler. We had the entire male wait-staff (all four of them) in drag as French whores. They had all drank a little too much wine so we got to see a lot of frilly little panties on really hairy legs! It was brilliant.

I went to therapy yesterday. God I love doing that. It is so good for me. Makes me all warm and fuzzy. Janell is a real power force in my life. She is so supportive and caring. I just can't say enough nice things about her. That being said, she and I walked through some of the items form my last posting. All of the above, it is dead on. But here's the catch, the man I spent the last year with, I am still in love with him. I know he would prefer that I was not, but I can't really control that. It was a rebound thing for sure. Him and I both had just left relationships and we were scared. We needed to feel like we could achieve something right, something real. And we did, as friends. Our timing was awful. We needed to be there for each other in a different way, but we thought we knew what we were doing. We learned quickly that we were wrong, but I wasn't ready to face that at the time.

I am sure over time my feelings will soften and I will not feel as strongly as I do now, but for now, the feelings are there and I just have to live with them. I think he is a wonderful man, someone I could spend my life with, as a friend, as a lover, as a companion. It may well be that that is not in the cards for us and I will have to move on, but in my heart, there is a flame that resides for him and him alone. I guess we will have to just wait and see how it all plays out. I am no longer in a rush to make it work. I am completely at peace with letting things fall into place as they will. It is one of those things that will work itself out the way it is supposed to and I am prepared to let the universe own it.