Separating from someone who has been in your life for a long time is a very painful process. I really didn't think I would ever have to do this again.
I spent years working with my ex to make things right. Our battles were ones we were willing to wage through because we loved each other. But as he said to me, love isn't enough. Although many things were right between us too many other things were wrong. I think I tried to fix the things I could and cried over those that were just too hard to face. As I sit here, trying to let the wave of emotions wash over me without drowning in them, I realize that he was right all along.
I had once asked him why he decided that he wanted to be partners with me. His response was two-fold. One was that he had looked around, had dated others and no-one was as wonderful as I was. The second was that his life was more fun with me in it than not. Those were powerful messages that are no longer true for us.
One of the things that fit and felt so right were his family (I told him it is like breaking up with 12 people at the same time). I love kids, his cousin, his mom and step-dad. His grandparents made me one of the family and I will miss them all dearly. That is not to say I will never be a part of their lives again but I know my ex will probably date pretty fast (just from past experience with him) and that is something I never deal with well and being connected to them is being connected to him, and that just can't be for now.
The hardest part for me is that we work together. Kinda difficult to break up with someone when you have to see them everyday. I think for him that will make it easier; for me it is going to be really hard. I constantly want to reach out to him but I know that isn't my place anymore.
I needed to ask for several things from him to help us separate; things like new back accounts and other financial stuff that needs tending to. I also asked him to remove my PW to his site. So this morning I checked, cause I wanted to be sure he was doing what I asked, and I could still login. Then I checked a few minutes ago and sure enough I am blocked. Those are the weird little things that make your stomach hurt. That force you to realize it is truly, and finally over.
I guess I am a little numb to it all. We have gone through this many times over the five years we have dated but we have always been able to come back together, mostly stronger and more in for the long haul. This time, however, we won't be doing that. He is done, I am done and there is nothing more to think about
To his family, thank you so much for making me one of your own. You have been loving and supportive in a way I will never forget. I will miss you this year at Christmas but know that you will always be in my heart.
To his kids, you have brought me more joy than you will ever know. You are strong and beautiful people and I will miss continuing to watch you grow up.
And finally to D:
Some words are sad to say
Some leave me tongue-tied
(But the hardest thing to tell you
But the hardest words I know
Are I love you goodbye
I love you goodbye
I spent years working with my ex to make things right. Our battles were ones we were willing to wage through because we loved each other. But as he said to me, love isn't enough. Although many things were right between us too many other things were wrong. I think I tried to fix the things I could and cried over those that were just too hard to face. As I sit here, trying to let the wave of emotions wash over me without drowning in them, I realize that he was right all along.
I had once asked him why he decided that he wanted to be partners with me. His response was two-fold. One was that he had looked around, had dated others and no-one was as wonderful as I was. The second was that his life was more fun with me in it than not. Those were powerful messages that are no longer true for us.
One of the things that fit and felt so right were his family (I told him it is like breaking up with 12 people at the same time). I love kids, his cousin, his mom and step-dad. His grandparents made me one of the family and I will miss them all dearly. That is not to say I will never be a part of their lives again but I know my ex will probably date pretty fast (just from past experience with him) and that is something I never deal with well and being connected to them is being connected to him, and that just can't be for now.
The hardest part for me is that we work together. Kinda difficult to break up with someone when you have to see them everyday. I think for him that will make it easier; for me it is going to be really hard. I constantly want to reach out to him but I know that isn't my place anymore.
I needed to ask for several things from him to help us separate; things like new back accounts and other financial stuff that needs tending to. I also asked him to remove my PW to his site. So this morning I checked, cause I wanted to be sure he was doing what I asked, and I could still login. Then I checked a few minutes ago and sure enough I am blocked. Those are the weird little things that make your stomach hurt. That force you to realize it is truly, and finally over.
I guess I am a little numb to it all. We have gone through this many times over the five years we have dated but we have always been able to come back together, mostly stronger and more in for the long haul. This time, however, we won't be doing that. He is done, I am done and there is nothing more to think about
To his family, thank you so much for making me one of your own. You have been loving and supportive in a way I will never forget. I will miss you this year at Christmas but know that you will always be in my heart.
To his kids, you have brought me more joy than you will ever know. You are strong and beautiful people and I will miss continuing to watch you grow up.
And finally to D:
Some words are sad to say
Some leave me tongue-tied
(But the hardest thing to tell you
But the hardest words I know
Are I love you goodbye
I love you goodbye
3 comments:
Princess....I came across this song tati have known about for a long time. the Dixie Chicks sing it..it is a really good one. I myself, havehad to listen to it on occasion, and my favorite line to the song is " But you must always know how long to stay and when o go..." here ate the remaining lyrics to the song. Downlad it when you can...it may help.
Jenny
"Let Him Fly"
Ain't no talkin to this man
Ain't no pretty other side
Ain't no way to understand the stupid words of pride
It would take an acrobat, and I already tried all that
I'm gonna let him fly
Things can move at such a pace
The second hand just waved goodbye
You know the light has left his face
But you can't recall just where or why
So there was really nothing to it
I just went and cut right through it
I said I'm gonna let him fly yeah
There's no mercy in a live wire
No rest at all in freedom
The choices we are given it's no choice at all
The proof is in the fire
You touch before it moves away
But you must always know how long to stay and when to go
And there ain't no talkin to this man
He's been tryin to tell me so
It took awhile to understand the beauty of just letting go
Cause it would take an acrobat, I already tried all that
I'm gonna let him fly
I'm gonna let him fly fly
I'm gonna let him fly
sorry, my fingers go too fast, and i am too impatient to check my spelling, but i am literate. sorry for the spelling mistakes...you get the point thought.
Jenny
YOU will always be a part of our family. Love
MOM2
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