Intelligent Design

Day No. 1:

And the Lord God said, “Let there be light,” and lo, there was light. But then the Lord God said, “Wait, what if I make it a sort of rosy, sunset-at-the-beach, filtered half-light, so that everything else I design will look younger?”

“I’m loving that,” said Buddha. “It’s new.”

“You should design a restaurant,” added Allah.

Day No. 2:

“Today,” the Lord God said, “let’s do land.” And lo, there was land.

“Well, it’s really not just land,” noted Vishnu. “You’ve got mountains and valleys and—is that lava?”

“It’s not a single statement,” said the Lord God. “I want it to say, ‘Yes, this is land, but it’s not afraid to ooze.’ ”

“It’s really a backdrop, a sort of blank canvas,” put in Apollo. “It’s, like, minimalism, only with scale.”

“But—brown?” Buddha asked.

“Brown with infinite variations,” said the Lord God. “Taupe, ochre, burnt umber—they’re called earth tones.”

“I wasn’t criticizing,” said Buddha. “I was just noticing.”

Day No. 3:

“Just to make everyone happy,” said the Lord God, “today I’m thinking oceans, for contrast.”

“It’s wet, it’s deep, yet it’s frothy; it’s design without dogma,” said Buddha, approvingly.

“Now, there’s movement,” agreed Allah. “It’s not just ‘Hi, I’m a planet—no splashing.’ ”

“But are those ice caps?” inquired Thor. “Is this a coherent vision, or a highball?”

“I can do ice caps if I want to,” sniffed the Lord God.

“It’s about a mood,” said the Angel Moroni, supportively.

“Thank you,” said the Lord God.

Day No. 4:

“One word,” said the Lord God. “Landscaping. But I want it to look natural, as if it all somehow just happened.”

“Do rain forests,” suggested a primitive tribal god, who was known only as a clicking noise.

“Rain forests here,” decreed the Lord God. “And deserts there. For a spa feeling.”

“Which is fresh, but let’s give it glow,” said Buddha. “Polished stones and bamboo, with a soothing trickle of something.”

“I know where you’re going,” said the Lord God. “But why am I seeing scented candles and a signature body wash?”

“Shut up,” said Buddha.

“You shut up,” said the Lord God.

“It’s all about the mix,” Allah declared in a calming voice. “Now let’s look at some swatches.”

Day No. 5:

“I’d like to design some creatures of the sea,” the Lord God said. “Sleek but not slick.”

“Yes, yes, and more yes—it’s a total gills moment,” said Apollo. “But what if you added wings?”

“Fussy,” whispered Buddha to Zeus. “Why not epaulets and a sash?”

“Legs,” said Allah. “Now let’s do legs.”

“Are we already doing dining-room tables?” asked the Lord God, confused.

“No, design some creatures with legs,” said Allah. So the Lord God, nodding, designed an ostrich.

“First draft,” everyone agreed, and so the Lord God designed an alligator.

“There’s gonna be a waiting list,” Zeus murmured appreciatively.

“Now do puppies!” pleaded Vishnu. “And kitties!”

“Ooooo!” all the gods cooed. Then, feeling a bit embarrassed, Zeus ventured, “Design something more practical, like a horse or a mule.”

“What about a koala?” asked the Lord God.

“Much better,” Zeus declared, cuddling the furry little animal. “I’m going to call him Buttons.”

Day No. 6:

“Today I’m really going out there,” said the Lord God. “And I know it won’t be popular at first, and you’re all gonna be saying, ‘Earth to Lord God,’ but in a few million years it’s going to be timeless. I’m going to design a man.”

And everyone looked upon the man that the Lord God designed.

“It has your eyes,” Zeus told the Lord God.

“Does it stack?” inquired Allah.

“It has a naïve, folk-artsy, I-made-it-myself vibe,” said Buddha. The Inca sun god, however, only scoffed. “Been there. Evolution,” he said. “It’s called a shaved monkey.”

“I like it,” protested Buddha. “But it can’t work a strapless dress.” Everyone agreed on this point, so the Lord God announced, “Well, what if I give it nice round breasts and lose the penis?”

“Yes,” the gods said immediately.

“Now it’s intelligent,” said Aphrodite.

“But what if I made it blond?” giggled the Lord God.

“And what if I made you a booming offscreen voice in a lot of bad movies?” asked Aphrodite.

Day No. 7:

“You know, I’m really feeling good about this whole intelligent-design deal,” said the Lord God. “But do you think that I could redo it, keeping the quality but making it at a price point we could all live with?”

“I’m not sure,” said Buddha. “You mean, what if you designed a really basic, no-frills planet? Like, do the man and the woman really need all those toes?”

“Hello!” said the Lord God. “Clean lines, no moving parts, functional but fun. Three bright, happy, wash ’n’ go colors.”

“Swedish meets Japanese, with maybe a Platinum Collector’s Edition for the geeks,” Buddha decided.

“Done,” said the Lord God. “Now let’s start thinking about Pluto. What if everything on Pluto was brushed aluminum?”

“You mean, let’s do Neptune again?” said Buddha.

Misogi

I finally did it. I joined a dojo. I am officially a member of Suginami Aikikai - San Francisco. I own a Gi. I can fall without hurting myself. I can roll (well kinda). I can even throw you, provided you are an Uke and that is your job. I love it.

I have never been terribly athletic. In fact I have never lasted in any "sport" I have ever tried. Volleyball? I broke three fingers. Basketball? I tired running the court. Baseball? Couldn't hit the broadside of a barn. Nothing seemed to fit me, or rather, I didn't seem to fit.

But something about Aikido just makes me feel so unbelievably good. I sweat, I get my heart rate up, I stretch, I get hurt, I get tired, I get sore but I keep going back for more. Why you ask (well maybe you didn’t ask but I am telling you anyway). Because in spite of all the pain and fatigue I get high from the workout. I am invigorated when class is over. I can’t seem to stop talking about techniques and the simplest accomplishments I make during class. Some of my oldest fears, about looking silly or hurting myself, simply vanish when I am in at the Dojo. The spirituality and humility, the respect and the honor, these are things I love having in my life, and Aikido is providing me with them.

I can not stress enough just how beautiful this experience is for me. If you get the chance, take a minute to read about this lovely art. The history is amazing.

I recently had the honor of attending a seminar with Kato Hiroshi Shihan. Kato Sensei was born in 1935 and began his training at the age of 19. This gentle man stands maybe 5’ 6” and was the most graceful person I had ever witnessed. He was kind and sincere, funny and charming. He did not speak a word of English, but I was able to follow him none-the-less. He would take time out to speak to us “newbies” and show us easier ways to fall or roll. I was such a pleasure to attend a class with him. I look forward to his next visit.

All of the teachers at Suginami are wonderful. I have enjoyed working with everyone in the classes as well. They are patient and remind me at every class that they have all been where I am at now and it only gets better. Now I am off for a hot bath and a few Advil…it is par for the course.

Konban wa

Feeding Frenzy in Philly

I spent a long weekend in Philly. My best-friend flew me over as my b-day present (thank you again!). Paul decided to join me for the trip and we spent a painful, sleepless night on an airplane, arriving in PA at 7ish (also knows as 4 AM for Paul and I.)

Carmen was kind enough to drive us directly back to her place and put me in her new bed at around 10 AM. I am not sure where those 2 hours went but man I was happy snuggled up.

We slept until noon or so then we all showered and headed to Bryn Mawr. This is the sleepy little town Pea attends her PhD program at Bryn Mawr College. Now let me tell you, Bryn Mawr looks just like Hogwarts and I found myself often scanning the sky for brooms. It is beautiful. I would love to go to school there, if I ever found myself interested in school again. In addition to seeing her school, meeting her co-workers in the child testing center, being taken to lunch, Carmen also treated me to a microdermabrasion facial at O.M.G. O.M.G. is a super fancy spa in Gladwyne PA owned by Maurice Tannenbaum, a very famous hairstylist in PA who charges $400 for a trim. Needless to say, I stuck with my facial and pinned my hair up so he wouldn’t say “Darling, the things I can so with those tresses.” I am a sucker for a gay man with scissors.

After my hour long facial we headed back into town and relaxed until dinner. Around 8 we headed Boom Boom, an Italian family owned restaurant that got its name from two mafia bombings. The first time they didn’t get their man…

Dinner was amazing. Platters of pasta with fresh crab and prawns. Even though we all ate enough to kill a horse we just couldn’t find the will power to avoid dessert. One of each and four spoons please?

Friday is a blur of shopping, food, drinks and laughs. Really, I can’t remember what happened but I think there was a long (and lost) drive though German Town or something. Visually lovely but I might be mixing up days.

On Saturday we tripped around the Italian district, met some neighbors, went to South Street where Carmen got her nose pierced and I got my lipped stretched. We shopped, ate Philly pizza and went home.

That night we had a special evening planned. Paul got us reservations at Morimoto. He was treating us to an amazing experience of dining. We made plans to meet a couple of friends of Carmen and Alex’s who met us at the restaurant. A really nice couple, and if I wasn’t brain dead, I would recall their names (this will happen again later in my blog.)

Morimoto is a restaurant owned by Iron Chef Masaharu Morimoto and Stephen Starr. Morimoto is known all over the world; his food is like art. Paul suggested we all indulge in Omakase - “CHEF'S CHOICE - A MULTI-COURSE TASTING MENU DESIGNED TO ALLOW YOU TO EXPERIENCE THE ESSENCE OF MORIMOTO'S CUISINE” We sipped on Kabuki’s (Stoli Oranj, Triple Sec, a Splash of Sour and OJ garnished with am orange wedge) while nibbling on seared Kobe Beef Tartar Tokyo turnips and Sudachi vinaigrette. Nine course in all. Not to mention the 10 or so bottles of sake we consumed between the six of us. Woot! The meal was wonderful, the company was incredible, and the bill was astonishing. Once again, thank you Paulie for your generosity!

We headed to a local bar called Vegas for a last drink before rolling home to Carmen and Alex’s and passing out on the bed.

A lot of our time was spent just being together, the four of us, enjoying each others company, sneaking outside for a little space or watching the first season of Scrubs.

On Sunday we did some more eating and lounging and shopping. What amazed me was no sooner had we finished on meal when someone was pondering where we would go for the next. Oh yeah, we were a little food obsessed but damn if Philly eating isn’t fine!

On Sunday night we headed to Old Town to have dinner with another couple of friends (see here is were it happens again) at another fancy restaurant (yes, I forgot THAT name too) where we enjoyed chocolate martinis and steaks. Had a great evening. Headed home and passed out.

So now I am back home. I miss my Pea. Everyone treated me to everything, it was so very, very nice of them, I felt just like a Princess.

Special love to Carmen, Alex and Paul for making my trip so special! I love you all.

Quote of the Day

If you can't say anything good about someone, sit right here by me.

- Alice Roosevelt Longworth

You Know

I have looked all over the place
But you have got my favorite face
Your eyelashes sparkle like gilded grass
And your lips are sweet and slippery like a cherub's bare wet ass

'Cause you're a human supernova
A solar superman
You're an angel with wings afire
A flying, giant friction blast

You walk in clouds of glitter and the sun reflects your eyes
And everytime the wind blows, I can smell you in the sky
Your kisses are as wicked as an M-16
And you fuck like a volcano, and you're everything to me

'Cause you're a human supernova
A solar superman
You're an angel with wings afire
A flying, giant friction blast
You're a giant, flying friction blast

How to Woo Me Online

D: jeeeez. why does EVERYTHING I eat lately make me all gassy???

Kim: and why do you have to share with me?

D: darlin'... if a man cannot share with his woman, then a man is truly lost.

Kim: you want to share your gas with me?

D: if a man cannot share with his woman...

Kim: EVERYTHING?

D: this ain't a buffet

A Gift for ME

Yes, these are actuallya gift from me to my Man. However, since I find men in boots super sexy...they are really a gift for me too!

For Mom Two

Just to clarify about "not agreeing on everything":

Mom and I debate, which I love, and always walk away smiling. We have never disagreed on anything major and even on the minor items we are always respectful and supportive of one another!

In other words, I love you Sandy!

You Can't Teach an Old Bitch New Tricks

Let me introduce Isabella (formerly Betty Poop). Isa was living in San Diego with D's cousin Lena and her beautiful kids. Unfortunately Lena's painful schedule did not allow for a puppy so D and I adopted her on our way out of town a few weeks ago.

But I am getting ahead of myself. After we returned from OR we began scheduling trips for Jen to come visit us as per the court order. The first attempt we made we ran into a road-block from Jen's mom. It was amazing. Here we had left court not a few days earlier after coming to a mutual agreement and she was already denying the visitation. After a few emails from D reminding her of the court ruling we finally settled on our first visit. It is so exciting. We are currently attempting to schedule Thanksgiving, I imagine I will be here again letting you know how difficult it can be...

While we were in OR we received a call from D's mom telling us that Grandpa Berry had been diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer that is inoperable. This was (is) heartbreaking news. They have given him two months to be with us. So D and I decided that we should jump in the car and drive down to see Grandpa the weekend after returning home from OR. We left around 2 in the afternoon on Friday and arrived late that night. We spent most of Saturday hanging out with Grandma and Grandpa Berry at their home. Grandma cooked for us (she is awesome) and we played with the kids and chatted up Grandpa. D's brother and sister-in-law, Eric and Gia, were also there visiting but we didn't get a lot of time with them this trip.

That night after Grandpa was ready for bed D and I took Lena, her three kids, Lori (another cousin) and Andrew to dinner. We had a great time laughing and being silly. I was surrounded by such lovely kids, I really enjoyed it.

The next morning I sat with Sandy and had coffee before we left to drive home. I ALWAYS enjoy those mornings with my second mom, we can talk for hours, even if we don't agree on everything, and still have a great time. She is such a loving woman, I am thankful that she and I get along so well.

After we were all packed and ready to go Sandy and I were kind of chatting our way out the door when she mentioned that Lena needed a home for her puppy and I jumped on it. We called Lena and 20 minutes later I had Isa in my lap and we were heading home. She did OK in the car, peed on me twice, but I survived.

Now she is a fixture in our home. She comes to work with D and I every day, then comes home to play with her 3 new siblings till bed time. She is loving the back yard, her private bedroom and her new wardrobe. I just adore her!

Get Comfortable, This is Gonna Take Awhile

So much has happened recently I am not sure where to begin. As many of you know, D and I were heading to OR to go before a judge and plead his case for a modification in visitation for him and his daughter. The request for more time with D came directly from his (not so) little girl so there was NO way we were not moving forward with it.

D and I left for OR on Tuesday afternoon and arrived at a decent hour. We rented an SUV (Jen’s favorite) and drove from Portland to McMinnville, OR. Once we got there we went to our B&B to settle in for the night. The proprietor had left me an envelope with the keys and a lovely note welcoming me to her establishment. The note also requested that I call her and let her know we had arrived.

After we checked out our “African” room I went downstairs to call the owners. Cheryl, a lovely woman who has been very kind to us welcomed me and asked if everything was to my liking (I am a picky traveler). Of course I was all good with our room. She then asked me if D.W. (she used his full name) was who I was there with. I said yes, ummm, why do you ask? And she says “his ex-wife called looking for him.” My first thought was “Why is Mary calling here?” a fraction of a second later I said out loud, “his WHAT?” She proceeds to tell me the following story:

“Well I got a phone call asking if a D.W had checked in, and of course I said no. Then the woman asked if a K.M. was staying with me and I said yes, thinking it might be the courts checking to see if you had arrived. You see, my ex-husband is a judge on the bench and so I know how these things work and I thought there no harm in saying you would be checking in later. So we hang up and shortly thereafter my phone rings again and the same woman asks if a S.C. would be staying with us (side note, S.C. is the step mom to D’s daughters brother and sister, if you can work that out). At this point I am confused so I ask her who she is and she says `My name is JH and I am D’s ex-wife (wtf?) and he is here taking me to court to get visitation of a daughter he hasn’t seen in FIFTEEN years (wtf again, we had her for a visit a few weeks ago) and to stop him from blah blah blah (personal information about Jen that I will not repeat here, nor would I tell the a PERFECT stranger). So I say to her, `whatever the case may be, my only advice to you is to make sure you abide by whatever the judge orders’ and then we hung up.”

Now picture me, sitting in an overstuffed chair in a gorgeous B&B with my jaw on the floor. I am embarrassed over this crazy behavior, I am shocked and I am pissed off. I start apologizing over and over again for the inappropriate behavior of someone else and Cheryl says “don’t apologize honey, I worked as a pysch ward nurse for 20 years, I am familiar with this kind of behavior.” I laugh but I am still so blown away. First of all this woman hunted us down. Secondly she had the nerve to call a place I was staying and tell lies and disclose confidential information to a stranger. Thirdly, I was raised to be polite, not to make an ass out of myself at every turn, so I am appalled at the whole situation.

Cheryl was so kind about it I was amazed. We talked about the fact that her ex was on the bench and what to expect and so on. She was very supportive. On top of it all, she didn’t charge us to stay this time because we had paid for a cancelled trip for last month (Jen’s mom pulled a last minute stunt to have the court date pushed out.)

Once I hung up with Cheryl I marched upstairs to talk to my Man. He was more amused and less stunned than I am about the matter. He is so used to this woman’s fanatical behavior that he kind of shrugs it off most of the time. I am the other hand am all uppity about it. However, after calling my mom, my sister and my best-friend I feel better. They remind me that this woman is clearly not dealing with a full deck of cards and that MOST people in the world do not conduct their lives so abominably. I take a deep breath and ask my BF to dinner.

Now I have been to Mac before but D hasn’t so I take him to Third Street, a five block “down-town” area and we have a nice rooftop dinner at McMenamin’s. The food there was very nice, as was the Ruby Ale I had. After dinner we walked and talked for an hour before calling it a night in our HUGE bed.

In the morning we used one of the two gift certificates given to us from Cheryl to have a nice breakfast at the Wild Wood Café. Man the food was good there! Then we meandered down Third Street again and I went into Twist to have my hair done. The stylist was awesome and she did a very nice job of weaving colors into my hair. While I was having my hair done D showed up with a new pair of Vans for me, I had eyed them the night before so he bought them as a little surprise gift for his girl. Just love him.

After we returned to our inn we got dressed and ready to meet with our attorney prior to court. He is a very nice man with very good advice. Not to mention he presented himself beautifully and inspired knowledge and trust in both of us.

When we arrived at court, about 15 minutes before our scheduled hearing time, JH’s attorney was already there. Ours showed up a minute later and then the judge came in. The judge was a very sweet woman who was ready to make things happen. Our two attorneys’ and she decided to try to mediate on D’s and Jen’s behalf. The three of them talked and around 2:35 Jen and her mom (along with JH’s mom and her mom’s ex-husband) arrived. Jen was called in to speak alone with the judge. Then our attorneys’ went back in and shortly after that our attorney approached us with a wonderful and fair compromise to what we were asking for. We knew we wouldn’t get EVERYTHING, but we go almost everything and that was fine by us.

At one point D and I went out to talk to Jen while our attorneys’ were in with the judge. It was a little awkward at first but seeing the smile on Jen’s face was well worth every minute. Jen’s mom hissed Jen’s name and when we all turned to look at her, well let me tell you, if looks could kill I would have a serious skinned knee! I couldn’t help but laugh when I saw the glare I was getting. It was so unnecessary and so not threatening. It was like being in high school all over again.

Once we all entered the court room things went pretty well. We documented all the time we were getting with Jen, made a few concessions (ones didn’t impact us) and filed the motion. I won’t go into all the ridiculous details of how JH acted but suffice to say that D and I had a bet that she would not properly address the court (i.e., yes your honor and so on) and I lost. I was SO sure she had enough sense to be polite to the judge, but alas, I was wrong. She muttered her “yes’ and no’s” and that was about it. Another $20 down the drain.

The last thing ordered before we left court was that we could take Jen to dinner that night from 7:30-9:00 pm. We were thrilled! She called her new BF and asked him to join us. We all met up at McMenamin’s (once again). Jen’s BF Alex is great. He is smart and cute and adores Jen. Moreover he was able to keep up with my conversation which is HUGE on my list since I can be overbearing at times.

We had a nine o’clock curfew so we headed back to Jen’s right after dinner. When we arrived outside of Jen’s house it was 9:03 according to POPCORN (i.e., the call in time service) and Jen informed us her mom had already called! She missed the ringer due to conversation. Within 2 minutes her phone rang again. It was her mom. She barked at Jen for being late (I could hear her) and then hung up on her. Meanwhile we are standing right OUTSIDE her front door… some people.

D and I decided to grab a coffee on the way back and took another walk to bask in the wonderful feeling of having time with Jen.

The next morning we packed up and decided to go to Jen’s school for lunch. Her high school is an open campus which means she can leave for food and such. We met her out front and she told us she wanted lunch at Sage so that’s where we took her. We ran into Jen’s best friend Megan with her BF Andrew so we bought the whole crew lunch.

We ended up running to Megan’s house to see where she lived (about 30 seconds from the restaurant) and got a nice short tour and some pictures before we left (I will post those soon). As the girls headed back to school for class D and I headed to the airport for home.

All in all it was a wonderful trip. Sadly Jen got grounded for having lunch with her dad and me but she seems ok. She said it was worth it. Can’t help but love that kid!

Be Gentle

It doesn't matter where I was, or how I heard. It isn't important what I did that day, or how it effected me. What matters is remembering the lost lives, practicing understanding, and teaching our children to love as we love them.

The past is the past, the future is uncertain; please practice love and unity today.

Katrina on My Mind

In the U.S., after San Francisco, NOLA is my favorite place I have ever been. The people are beautiful (and I mean on the inside), the history is breathtaking; the atmosphere is a living, breathing thing. Now all I see is devastation and despair.

When Carmen and I went to NOLA we took a day trip to Mississippi. We swam in the Gulf. We drove over Lake Pontchartrain in our rented SUV. We dwelled in the warmth and comfort of the South.

When D and I went we stayed pretty centrally in NOLA with only a side trip to the swamps. This is a place (NOLA, not the swamps) that, if I wanted to retire without D, I would have moved to. The South, its people and all its charm feel welcoming to me.

I am terribly saddened by what has happened in the South. I am sickened by the lack of IMMEDIATE action by our government. Had this been a place with a huge amount of wealthy, white Americans, I believe the time tables would have been very different.

I am outraged by the pure insensitivity I am reading all over the internet and hearing on the television about people looting. Does anyone realize that these people have NOTHING? Absolutely nothing; no food, no water, no clothes, no diapers, no medicine, nothing; and those of us, sitting in our big houses, on our expensive computers, hanging out on the internet have the gall to make a comment on “inappropriate behaviors”. People are dying there and we care anything about stolen items. Go sit on your roof for five days in wet clothing with no supplies and then bitch about theft.

I am at a loss of what to do. Although sending money is imperative, I am sure it isn’t enough. I have friends who have family in NOLA and my love and support is with them and everyone else brutalized by this disaster.

Love to you all

Quote of the Day

Paulie: your 36?

Kim: yes :(

Kim: crazy

Paulie: somehow that doesn't seem right

Kim: LMAO

Kim: to me either

Say It. SAY IT!

Today is my Birthday. wOOt! Since I get over a hundred hits a day I expect to see a lot of well wishes in my comments section!

Love You All!

Aging (un)Gracefully

Tomorrow is my birthday. I will be 36. Thirty-six. Three dozen years old (as my lovely BF likes to point out). Undoubtedly the alternatives to growing older are not comforting but when the hell did I get to be 36 (ummm tomorrow)?

I swear I was 26 yesterday, right Pea? I am not even sure how one loses 10 years, but if anyone can, it would be me. So much has happened in what should have been a very long time but now just feels like a blink of an eye. I think I might be tired.

The one thing I keep thinking is that I will now be on the down slope to 40. I was all settled into my MID-thirties and here I am on the other side, running the short race to a party strewn with "Over the Hill" paraphernalia.

Here is the positive side to it all:

When I turn 40 my best friend will be in crisis turning 35; we can run off to a Caribbean Island in search of the fountain of youth.

No one goes gray in my family (loss of hair is another story).

I have shunned the sun so perhaps my skin will stay youthful. That or I will die of a Vitamin D deficiency.

I am in love with a man who will always be older than me. Thank the gawds he likes younger women.

There is always a silver lining.

When We Last Left Off…

Andrew was still here. Since then a lot has happened. Andrew and D went to San Diego to visit D’s daughter. It was a total surprise for the family. D got to spend a week with BOTH kids, a rare treat. One he really savored by spending every possible minute with both Jen and Andrew. They all had a wonderful time together. He returned on the 8th and then, just that following Friday we had Jen with us for six days! It was so amazing. I just love that girl.


Although we had to work some of the time, I took that Tuesday off to have a “girls day” with Jen. We had a blast. We went to breakfast, shopped, shopped, shopped, went to lunch then shopped, shopped, shopped. Then we came home and watched movies in bed while eating pizza till both Jen and her dad fell asleep and I went and slept in the other room. They were so cute I couldn’t bear to wake them up.

Jen was positively spoiled! I wont disclose the amount of cash I spent on school clothes (D would kill me) but between me and her grandmother she scored for the year. It cracks me up when her mother says that because we won’t help pay for cheerleading (and the money would have to come from me if it was to come at all since D is spread thin enough with CS) we don’t care. The reality is that D’s mom has purchased school clothes for Jen for YEARS, paid for tutors, dental, school trips and so on. D & I send mucho money for CS, have paid off $8000 in arrears (wonder where that all went, gawds forbid it went to cheer) and have even had to pay for gas money so her mom would take her to the airport to see us. It is obscene how little of the money we send actually goes to Jen; she doesn’t even get a minimal allowance for her chores! Not to mention, seems she couldn’t be bothered to purchase school clothes for Jen this year, even though she shopped for three other kids. Makes me sad she treats her children so differently, like Jen won’t notice. It will be wonderful when court is done and we can get so much more time with Jen.

After Jen left D and I went to Madison WI for his little brother’s wedding. I really enjoyed WI. Danny and Megan are awesome, both families are amazing and D and I always have a great time traveling together. We are very companionable. Plus he is a super sweetie who will rub my feet after many hours in high heels! I just love him.

Once we returned from WI it was the beginning of BDAY hell! There are so many of us in the last 2 weeks of August it is hard to keep up. D’s was last Wednesday and mine is this Wednesday. For my Bday my Mom took me to the Tattoo Expo at the Cow Palace on Sunday morning. It was just her and I. We both wanted new tattoos (would be mom’s first and my 8th) but instead I just got my lip pierced. It was pretty easy, a little sore today but not too bad. Then my family took me to Maya’s for a Mexican dinner and gifts. Princess was spoiled as usual. My family is way too generous for their own good (never stop) and I am still getting presents Wednesday from D and the crew at work and this weekend from my daddy!

So that brings me to today…stay tuned

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

Happy birthday baby! You make (almost) everyday perfect.

Thank you for being in my life.

Love

Your Brat

PS - I owe you all a LONG blog

A Meal fit for a King

I have made a new friend. A very nice woman with very good information. She has been super supportive of D and I and I want to say thank you to her for all that she has offered up in our endeavor to set a wrong right. So Thank You and do try to stay cool.

I had Thia and Kris over for dinner on Sunday night. I BBQed London Broil, made spicy mashed potatoes and olive oil and garlic coated artichokes. Can you tell I don't have kids of my own? They did ok with the meal though. Dessert was pound cake, strawberries, whipped cream and a drizzle of dark chocolate. Everything was yummy (to me anyway) and it was very nice when D took all the kids (my nephew was with us as well) to the pool so Kris and I could just hang out and talk. It was a lovely evening ending with a highly competitive game of Yatzee where I can out the big loser.

Andy has been a joy to have around, despite stinky boy syndrome. Mom is coming home on Friday from Europe. Carmen and I are running away together on Thursday (I am taking a day off!) so we can have one full day alone before she returns to Philly. Work is busy as always. My man is a love. I am tired but happy.

Kisses

Welcome One and All (well almost all)

We picked up Andrew at the airport last night. It is always so nice to see his smiling face. He is such a love! When we got home Andrew immediately called my nephew and invited him over to play XBox. Austin showed up with PJ's, thereby letting us know he was sleeping over. My sister lives 30 seconds from us so Andrew will spend his days hanging out with my sisters kids and his nights with us.

Before the airport we hit Piedmont to visit with my best friend Pea. We couldn't stay long but I got to hug her for a long time which always makes me feel so good. She looks wonderful. She is here for two weeks and is coming over tonight to spend the night with me. I am very excited that we can stay up late into the night and talk. God I miss her being here all the time.

We have made plans to take Andrew, Austin, Thia and all the adults to the Ren Faire this weekend. My BIL works the dunk tank and my littlest nephew will be there too, working I bet. Child labor, gotta love it :)

D and I will be heading to WI for his youngest brothers wedding in mid-August. I am really looking forward to it. His whole family will be there with us to celebrate Dan and Megan's nuptials. Yesterday I sent a gift to Megan's families house for her bridal shower. It would be so fun to attend but I just can't fly out twice. I also sent them their wedding gift. I like to get these things done early because D and I are so busy at times we let things slip through the cracks. I truly hope they like them both. I believe we will be staying in the same hotel with D's grandparents and his brother. That should be fun. Grandma Berry told me on my last visit that she and I need to lunch alone for some one-on-one time. I will try to make that happen on this trip but if we run out of time I will MAKE it happen when I go to SD in December!

Kisses

Did You Miss Me?

Is there anything cuter than waking up to a boxer puppy licking your face? YES! There are a million things cuter and less irritating than that, let me tell you.

Mom is in Europe until the 29th and I am in charge of her zoo. D is a big help but he conveniently gets to sleep in the other room while I share a bed with a Dezi, an Anne, and a Tiki. These pups have NO sense of the word sharing. They are all over the place all night. I think I accidentally booted Tiki off the bed at some point cause I heard a yipthump at about 3 AM. Opps.

D and I bought his mom and Frank a new computer for Christmas. It is a really nice one to replace their very old one. We had coordinated with D’s brother (E) to have him and his wife get them a LCD monitor to go with. Then, not surprisingly, mom2’s computer breaks down and she is asking E to help her find a new one! We are only in July and we find ourselves forced to give an early Xmas gift. So we email them and wham, they are in great shape about 5 months before they should be. The only bummer for me is I am so into watching people on Christmas morning and now we won’t have anything for mom and Frank to open. Sigh.

D took me to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory on Saturday night after I made him a London Broil dinner. A little mini date – cute, cute, cute. The movie was beautiful. Johnny Deep was brilliant and the children were perfect. The Ompa Lompa made me crazy. I loved the songs in the original movie but the revised songs made me cringe. I can only be thankful that of all the renditions there wasn’t a country song in there. With very rare exception Country music is the worst.

D and I went to my dad and step-mom’s house to celebrate my grandfathers 87th birthday. We had a nice time. Dad bbqed oysters in the shell and cilantro chicken. Mom made pasta and salad to go with. As always, two very nice bottles of wine were served but neither D nor I drank as we rode the bike into the city and we never drink and drive.

On the ride home D and I stopped at Borders. D bought me the new Harry Potter (I am such a dork) and I am already devouring it. I read too quickly, makes all my favorite books fly by leaving me longing for the next installment.

I surprised D by buying a ticket yesterday for his son Andrew to fly in tonight. I just called Andy’s mom and asked her if I could fly him out and she, being the wonderful loving person she is, said of course. One day notice; no issue, no trouble. THAT is a good mom! So Andy will be with us for two weeks. My whole family is thrilled with that. They love having D’s kids around and D’s kids love spending time with us.

Kisses

You Oughta Know

Last night D and I took my mom to see Alanis Morissette at the Paramount. My sister and her husband were also there. Alanis was amazing. She just blew us all away with an acoustic set of Jagged Little Pill, her first CD released in 1995. She played every song on that CD plus she played a few from others. One song that I was so pleased to hear live was A Man. This is a song she wrote from a man’s perspective. Something she imagined would come from a man’s heart after listening to her lyrics for the last 10 years.

I am a man as a man I’ve been told
Bacon is brought to the house in this mold
Born of your bellies I yearn for the cord
Years I have groveled repentance ignored

And I have been blamed
And I have repented
I’m working my way toward our union mended

I am man who has grown from a son
Been crucified by enraged women
I am son who was raised by such men
I’m often reminded of the fools I’m among

And I have been shamed
And I have relented
I’m working my way toward our union mended
And I have been shamed
And I have repented
I’m working my way toward our union mended

We don’t fare well with endless reprimands
We don’t do well with a life served as a sentence
This won’t work well if you’re hell bent on your offence
I am a man who understands your resistance

I am a man who still does what he can
To dispel our archaic reputation
I am a man who has heard all he can
Cuz I don’t fare well with endless punishment

Cuz I have been blamed and I have repented
I’m working my way toward our union mended
And we have been blamed and we have repented
I’m working my way toward our union mended

It is a favorite of mine in that I think I live with a man that can relate. He has put up with the punishment of one woman for years and years. Her general hatred of men often spills into his lap and he has done whatever he can to try to make peace. Unfortunately there is no succeeding where this woman is concerned. I feel for him, I love him and I support him in all his endeavors. He knows it too.

The opening act for Alanis was Jason Mraz. I had only ever heard one song of his but OH MY GOD this guy can SING. He was brilliant, funny, personable and rocked. I will immediately find all his music and play it till my ears bleed.

On another note, took my mom to the airport this AM for her trip home to England. She will be visiting her aunt, uncle, cousins and her brother for three weeks. I love that she gets to spend time back home with her family. I wish I was going with her, perhaps next year. We have discussed going to South Africa, where her brother lives, instead of Europe but we shall see.

D and I spent the fourth of July in San Diego. We had a marvelous time with his mom, Frank, grandparents, cousins, and friends for the first three days and then with his dad on the fourth. His dads house is so beautiful. We swam and ate and slept…ahhhh. I had a very nice time just being lazy with them and their guests. I just love his family.

Kisses

It is all a Blur

On Thursday afternoon, about one o'clock one of my VP's asked me to lunch. This is the first time he and I have been able to make this happen so there was no way I wasn't going to go. I work ALOT of hours, I rarely step away from my desk so I figure I deserve a nice lunch out. Besides, he was paying.

We went down the street to Momo's. We walk in, they greet my VP and he leads me to the bar. The bartender introduces himself to me while grabbing a beer for my VP who dines there quite frequently and is known by name. Then he orders me a beer as well. Anyone who knows me knows that I rarely drink, and never during the day because it makes me sleepy, but I think what the hell, one won't hurt me. Suffice to say, one lead to three and VP and I are getting a little hammered. After we eat (yummy chicken and pear salads) VP decides that we are blowing the rest of the afternoon off. I think he is joking but he isn't. He makes some calls up to the office and drags me over to Kingfish for drinks. Slowly others from work join us. It is around 3 pm now and I am a little tipsy.

I decide beer is out and order myself a Mojito. Mojito's are yummy, refreshing, light and dangerous. As I am swilling down my first my VP decides to make a game of it. He and I are going head to head, drink for drink till one of us calls it quits. Around my third Mojito (or my sixth drink) I am starting to feel like I may lose this one, but alas, I get a second wind when my Admin shows up to join me.

The conversations are getting a little crazy. We are loud and crass and having a blast. We are laughing and carrying on when my BF comes in. I can tell by his grin I might be in a little trouble for disappearing from work, but he sees I am having a grand time and reminds me that we are leaving by 5:30. Ah ha - that gives me another hour to put the VP down. At this point we are on drink number eight and I can see that I am actually doing ok while VP looks a little worse for the wear.

Stories are being told; my co-workers are enjoying the fact that HR is out with them, behaving like a dope and letting her hair down. Not that I am uptight at work, just a little more professional and guarded than most have to be, mainly because I help manage all the ER cases and that means I have to be good most of the time. So even though we are all on the clock, we are telling it like it is and not worrying a damn about the repercussions. Basically bad kids out to have a good time.

Drink number nine arrives and I start slugging it down when I look over at VP and drink number eight is only half-way done. He smiles at me and throws in the towel. I triumphantly down that puppy and do a little victory dance. I am the champion!

VP heads up to the office to get ready to go home and as I am walking out the bartender asks who is paying the bill. Initially we were throwing cash down (there are about 6 or 7 people there) but somewhere along the way they started a tab. She hands me the bill - $150. Hmmm, ok well I ain't paying it, I won. Considering the amount of drinks we all had, this is cheap but I am still not paying it.

Cool thing, one of my new managers takes care of the tab. A gentleman indeed. The next day we all kick down a little cash and settle the score.

As I walk around the office I notice all my cohorts in crime. We are all a little green. We are all shushing others for "talking too loud". We are all shoveling fat and salt in our gullets as quickly as we can. Others in the office stop in the kitchen and can tell who was out with us the day before by what concoction they are munching on. "Ah, HR got you too?" And a slight nod (because it hurts too much to do otherwise) is all they need to know that you don't mess with the queen of the Mojito's.

A Note to my BF

You owe me nothing for giving the love that I give

You owe me nothing for caring the way that I have

I give you thanks for receiving it's my privilege

And you owe me nothing in return

Everything is Everything

I had a very strange evening last night. We left the office early. Went and dropped the bike off for its first service and then I went to movie night with the girls. We had a quick dinner then went to see Mr. & Mrs. Smith. Let me just say that the movie was AWFUL. I mean I was so ready to walk out. What a waste of my time and money. Not even the loveliness of Brad and Angelina made it worth sitting through.

After the movie I went home and decided to check the email accounts I always forget about. So I checked my gmail. I had about a dozen or so messages, mostly Yafro notices, but down on the bottom was a notice from Classmates.com. Now I don’t remember signing up with them but I must have at some point because there was the email telling me it was my last chance to review a message from Ben G. Ben was a kid I graduated high school with in 1987. I am pretty sure I haven’t seen him since. I really liked Ben; he was (and I assume still is) smart, funny, talented and a genuinely good person. So I was thrilled to have an email waiting from him.

It was brief but sweet. It lead me to his website. That lead me to his pictures. And there were pic after pic of Ben just like I remember him. He looks the SAME. It was almost creepy. His great big smile in every shot. There were pics of him getting married! Pics in London and Paris. Pics of his bowling team. And then a picture of him with Shem and Anna. The title took me a minute to register. Shem T., R.I.P. I sat with that a minute. Shem had been in high school with Ben and me. He was a dear friend to Ben and someone I really admired. He was beautiful, sweet, and smart. Everyone loved Shem. I didn’t quite believe or understand what I was reading. Then I went to the next photo:


------------------Photo by Ben G.------------------------

I just sat there in shock. I realize I am getting this information ten years after the fact but still it broke my heart. I did a Google search next:

http://www.jewishsf.com/content/2-0-/module/displaystory/story_id/20963/edition_id/431/format/html/displaystory.html

This is a wonderful article about Shem’s life. I was pleased to have learned a little more about what he did with his life before he passed away. Shem was just as I remembered him, a man who left a lasting impression on everyone he touched. That fucking rules.

Me

PS Ben if you are reading this, email me!

911

My mom and I watched Fahrenheit last night. This is a truly fascinating piece of work by Michael Moore. Many people are not comfortable with the way that Michael presents material but I am always impressed with how deeply he researches any subject he is interested in.

Now granted, Michael is anti-Bush to the nth degree. But then again, so am I. However, even if you believe in Bush and his politics I think this film will at least make you question what has happened in this country for the last five years. I was taken aback at how convoluted and deceitful the Bush history is. The money involved, the players, the lies.

Be warned friends, if you are squeamish or have a hard time seeing children die, this film may be too difficult for you to watch. The reality is in the film though, and I thought the least I could do was watch it without covering my eyes.

Sunday Kinda Love

What an amazing day we had. Woke up super late due to the fact that I had a poor nights sleep. D and I decided that since it was so lovely out we would go for a long ride to Petaluma. We rode down Lucas Valley road the 20 miles or so to reach downtown Petaluma.

The ride there was gorgeous. Serene and comfortable. We stopped once to look at one of the most lovely vineyards along the way. After that it was a straight shot to downtown and a leisurely lunch at McNears. I had a great big Shrimp Cobb Salad. D had a HUGE Fish & Chips.

While we sat there I turned to the couple next to us to ask them a question and one of the women started chatting with us about motorcycles (our helmets were on the table). Turns out one of the woman is a local comedian by the name of Heather Gold. Her GF, Stacy performs with a 60's Go-Go troupe called The Devilettes. Both women were awesome and D and I are going to be sure to catch both of their shows this month.

Then it was time to head back. We took the back roads again and kinda snuggled all the way home. Every now and then D would shortstop so my boobs would press against his back. That's the kind of big kid he is.

Once we got home we changed into workout clothes and headed to our gym. This is the first time I have done a full on cardio workout with D and it was cool. We did 30 minutes on the bikes and then 30 minutes on the treadmill. It is nice to look over and see my man sweating it out with me. I will aim for four nights a week, maybe more if D can drag me there.

When we got home mom had cooked a super yummy turkey meatloaf and made a huge salad. We ate light, since both of us were still full from lunch, and just hung out with mom for a bit.

Finally D and I climbed into my bed to watch a movie and just be close. An older Sci-Fi called Brainstorm. I can't even tell you what the movie was about, I was so tired and so content just being cuddled that I was mostly asleep during it. Made for the perfect ending to a perfect day.


Kisses

I Feel the Need for a Shower

My lovely BF insists on calling me his GF Unit; or, now his PGF Unit (Pretty Girlfriend Unit). To my BF, this is a wonderful, albeit, geeky nickname. OK, now I don’t know about you, but to me, a Unit isn’t cute. It is:

* An individual, group, structure, or other entity regarded as an elementary structural or functional constituent of a whole.

* A group regarded as a distinct entity within a larger group.

* Male genitalia.

Am I wrong here? Does it not feel dirty to you? A pretty penis, yep, that’s me.

On to other news. I finished cleaning up my Dell DJ. It has SO MANY wonderful songs on it. 2,158 to be exact. Songs from when I was a teen, songs that make me dance around work and have co-workers giggling in my wake (what do they know anyway!) It makes working away the hours so easy, singing along, wiggling in my chair. OK, maybe being laughed at is appropriate.

So on Sunday my lovely sister will have 20 years of sobriety. TWENTY. That is amazing. She is amazing.

Kisses

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LYN!

First off, and more important than anything else I have to say...HAPPY 40th BIRTHDAY LYN!!



You rock girl! Wish I could be there to celebrate with you.

It is raining in SF. Makes me sad, no riding in this morning on the back of my man's bike. I enjoy the rides so much, it is freeing. He is also a pain in the ass when he can't ride! All cranky and shit. OK, not really, but I do so like making fun of him.

D is finally filing visitation paperwork for his daughter. His ex has had way too much control over him and his family when it comes to spending time with his daughter. It is obscene how she behaves. Bribes were not unheard of (always at her prompting that she "needed" something in exchange.) Begging, pleading, threats from her; it has been nightmarish. Thanks to my friends and family this will no longer be an issue. His daughter will be free to visit her dad as the courts see fit. I am sure that there will be challenges, but that is what the police are for. Being in contempt sucks from what I have heard.

I feel compelled to push a writer I adore. Christopher Moore. The man is a comic genius. I have read every book he has ever written, of which there are not enough! He has made me laugh out loud more times than I can count.

My all time favorite book of his is:



I have read this book twice now, and it is a work of art. Not one page went by that I did not fall more and more in love with this mans style and technique. Do yourself a favor and pick this book up. Pass it on to everyone you know, they will love it.

Kisses

Last Day of our Acquaintance

I can see too many mouths open
Too many eyes closed, ears closed
Not enough minds open
Too many legs open
Tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, do
Why isn't it why why
I don't see why I listen

__________________________________________

What a beautiful weekend. Mary got her Masters on Saturday. We partied late into the night (I got home at 3:30 AM and am still trying to catch up.) We had a wonderful Italian dinner and then drinks at WooHoo. Closed the night at The Shannon Arms (a friends bar in the Sunset). D and I hung out at home on Sunday, had dinner with my mom and her friends and I passed out at 10:00.

On Monday we took the bike out for a ride and had a nice breakfast. Then we met up with Carmen and Mary and went to Mary's moms’ house for a BBQ. We skipped the Lake trip so we could spend more time at Suzi's house. It was a long ride and my butt was numb when we finally arrived. I must say, with the exception of the butt issue, riding is magnificent. The bike is amazing. I had almost forgotten how freeing it is to be on a motorcycle and D is a great rider. He says I am a good passenger but I squirm (that would be the deadened ass).

I bought D a new motorcycle jacket and gloves. They are laden with Kevlar and full armor plates. The jacket is gray and black, pretty sweet. He says the gloves will stop bullets…I love living in the city.

Living in the Dark Ages

It is wonderful to see people learning how to use the internet.

It fascinates me that some people still haven't come close to the level on techie that my BF and I have readily available at our finger tips. I suppose that working in the industry for the last eight years (something silly like 16 for the man) has helped. Not only do I work and live with a geek, but I hang out with geeks all the time. Have a question about locating someone? Bat my eyelashes at my man and he is all over it. Blocking my site from unfortunates? A little kiss gets me whatever I need. He really is the best. Not only will he help me learn to develop, research, and maintain all my geeky pleasures but not one morning has gone by since he moved in that he hasn't brought me coffee in bed each morning. Thanks babe.

Today IS the day. We are leaving work at 4:30 and getting his bike! We are so excited. The minor delay was that they didn't want to give us one from the showroom floor, Valerie, our sales person, insisted it be "off the truck". So, although the man pouted, we waited the extra day.

This weekend is going to be amazing! First of all, my best friend, Pea is here for TWO weeks. She just completed her first year at Bryn Mawr in the PhD program of Research Psychology and I flew her out for a well deserved break. Mare and I picked her up at the airport and then we had an overnight at Mare's house in Bernal Heights. Mary is selling her home so she and her husband can buy a bigger place in Sonoma. Amazing what places in SF sell for, it is crazy! So Mary, Carmen and I had what may be our last "slumber party" in the home on the hill. We were up too late giggling and smoking. It was wonderful.

On Friday night we will be going to a farewell party of a women we work with here at CM. Then I think we will hit a dinner kind of thing with Carmen, Mare and her man. On Saturday we will be going to SF to see Mare get her Masters! She graduated from the Speech and Communications department. We are so proud of her. She is inspiring.

Saturday night we are having a huge dinner party at Ristorante Mare in Pacifica. It is a wonderful Italian place right on the beach.

On Sunday I am sure the BF will be off on his bike and I will be spending time with Carmen.

On Monday we will be headed to Mare's mom's house in Santa Rosa to meet with about 20 other people and then head up to Sonoma Lake for the day. We will spend several hours there baking in the sun and swimming before heading back to Mare's mom's house for a BBQ.

Life is pretty sweet.

Kisses

Lush

There are some things in life one should not be without. Lush is one of them.

I first discovered Lush through my friend Kitty. Kitty of the "Oh So Soft Skin". She took me there and spent a small fortune on me. She bought me one of everything I snuck a peek at. It was overly generous, thus is Kitty.

Since then I have been a devoted fan. I use the Body Butters every day. This isn't a cheap obsession either. These things last maybe five showers, maybe. But I can't stand to be without them. They smell good enough to eat. They make your skin feel like you are a baby again. They are essential.

Another must have is their The Strokes. My hair, which is finally its natural color, feels so soft and wonderful I could touch it all day. Although I miss the days of bright and crazy colored hair, having it natural, healthy and well treated kicks ass.

I am telling you, if you have the funds, don't ever use a grocery store bar of soap again. It ages your skin, removes healthy oils and makes you feel like a 80 year old. Spend a little people. You can't take it with you.

Kisses

Rated R for Strong Language

When I was a child, around 6 or 7, I used to torment other kids by calling them names. Names like fat, ugly, and/or stupid were abrasive insults to sling at my less fortunate peers. Vicious rumors could be spread about compulsive picking and eating habits or perpetual bed-wetters. These tidbits of information could destroy a child’s life through grade school and sometimes even beyond.

When I hit middle school the verbal tirade stepped up a notch. While I only ever picked on those that picked on others, it wasn’t uncommon to find me repeatedly punching someone in the face while calling them a slutbitchwhorecunt. As if that wasn’t enough, the rumors became tales of blowjobs behind the bleachers and made up teen pregnancies at the “hands” of the head coach. I was mean, simple-minded, and mean, but only to those I thought deserved it. A judge and jury of my adolescent colleagues; a vindictive Robin Hood, so to speak.

Around the age of 14 I met a group of girls that fascinated me. They believed that words like bitch, whore, slut and so on were base and beneath them. They never called people such names - no - they were much smarter, and intensely more ferocious than that. These girls used sarcasm and wit to put people in their place. They were not opposed to violence, which usually landed in my hands, but they preferred to make you cry with their words rather than my fists. And without fail, they would succeed at tearing apart anyone who crossed their path with ill intentions. They took me in, taught me their ways, and made me one of them.

But as time moved on, as we grew older, we began to realize something. Something that made us step back and rethink our strategy. Why fight at all? Why not remove negative people from our lives? We had a choice on who we allowed into our lives, and who we didn’t. It wasn't a “better than you” choice, it was an “I am not interested in being around people who contribute to my dysfunctional ways”. And our ways were dysfunctional. They were cruel and bitter and childish. They were not who I am or ever wanted to be. They were defensive and offensive behaviors that allowed me to steer clear of the person inside who was so sad and lonely.

By 18 I was in therapy, as were 3 of the women I had been friends with since I was 14. Amazingly, when we focused on whom we were and who we aspired to be, we found that our friendship could remain intact and that less people crossed the street when they saw us walking towards them.
We no longer resolved arguments with grievous banter; we would talk things through and listen to others. That is not to say that I was able to modify my behavior overnight. No, it took years of hard work not to raise a fist or a silver tongue at those who angered me. There are some days, even now, that I have to check my anger.

I am still friends with these women after 20 years. There are times when we talk about the “old days”, not with pleasure mind you, but with remorse and even some shame. We have accepted who we were and who we are today. We are stronger, gentler, and smarter women who use kindness instead of harshness to get through the world. It is a much more pleasant place to be.

Some Things are Better Left Unsaid

I just don't feel that way today. Things have been left unsaid too long. It pains me sometimes how cruel people can be. How selfish and rude. I make sure that I am gentle and kind with people, it is how I was raised.

My dad and step-mom are attorneys, fighting for people who have been wronged. My mom is a therapist, working with children who have insane parents, passing their insanity on to their children, making them miserable and frightened. My mom tries to see that the damage is minimized, if not erased. She has raised me to be strong, to stand up for myself, to fight for what I believe in. She also taught me to work hard, get paid a ridiculous amount of money and be sure to sock some away for things that "come up". And so I have.

I have money. It is my money that I will use to set things right. My sister works for one of the top family law attorneys in California. She has been a wonderful support for us. She let's us know what we should be asking for and what not to settle for. She is fond of telling me not to settle for anyone's bullshit. So I won't. No more bullies, not more insanity, free ride is over.

I love who I am, I love who I share my life with. I find myself angry at times that people I love have brought their ugly baggage into my serene life, but they have also brought so much love and joy that it has all been worth it. I would not trade a moment with my love or his family to be free of the sickness the baggage contained. Not one moment.

I don't hold onto anger, I let it go, it isn't good for me. So I think about all the amazing things I have in my life and it soothes me:

I have a family that is always there for me
I have a partner who loves me, cares for me and makes me laugh all day long
I have a job I love going to that pays me a wonderful salary and just gave me a specialty award ($2500) for being an exceptional employee
I have an extended family who constantly remind me of how loving I am
I have a new car (god I love my Audi)
I have a new motorcycle (well I gave it to my partner but I get to ride it)
I have my health, my sanity and my best friends Pea and Mary, who keep me healthy and sane

I have it all, so what is left to say?

Done Being Nice

I am done playing nice. I am done watching the people I love be trampled on, manipulated and threatened. I will use all my connections, all my power and ALL my money to see that things are changed. And when they are, some people will be very sorry they didn't play nice with me when they had the chance.

A little gift

He loves it!

Viva

OK so I went to Vegas. Went with my sister and three other friends. We had an amazing time. I actually won $600 on the silly nickel slots. I had a blast sitting with Anna, both of us winning, smoking, drinking, laughing. Anna is my sisters best-friend, has been since they were 16 (they are both in their late 30's now). We stayed up till the wee hours of the morning together. She is a real kick.

We spent our days (Saturday, Sunday and half of Monday) visiting all the sites and being basic tourists. Vegas is at odds with itself in that it is both lovely and a mess. At night, with the warm winds and bright lights, it is amazing. When the sun lays heavy on your skin and the streets are crowded with drunken frat boys, well I am sure you can guess how I feel about that. Overall, I like Vegas. Next year we will all go again and stay at New York - New York. I hope to fly MY best friend in for the trip.

Life has been pretty chaotic lately. Not bad, just busy. There are so many things to plan and so many people to see this year, I am unsure how the man and I will fit it all in. The most important thing we want to do this summer is see the kids. His kids. If we can find a full week to spend with them we will be thrilled! It may be a problem with his daughter as we have a rough time with her mom but I am sure it will all work out. As hard as it can be to set everything up, it is always worth it.

My best friend flew out for the weekend to see our other best friend perform her Master's Thesis. She is graduating in May with her Masters in Speech and Communications. Her performance was AMAZING. She is so talented. She received a standing ovation. Pea and I gave her a bouquet of flowers fit for a Miss America winner. She cracked up when we handed it to her. MK never ceases to amaze me.

Family is all great. My sister and I will be working on her house this summer with her contractor hubbie. They are getting a new entryway, kids are getting a new bathroom and I am doing all the painting that needs to be done. I think we will work on my mom’s kitchen as well. Mom will be in England for three weeks this summer to see our family so I may try to knock it out then.

Much love and kisses

Maintaining Decency

Anyone who knows me knows I have never wanted children of my own. Since I was 17 I have made it clear to any partner I have had that they would never have kids with me. I feel as though too many people bring children into this world selfishly and for reasons of needing to be needed or for monetary value. I also feel that although kids are amazing, there are too many people in this world as is.

Kids like me; some even love me, because I am kind and loving with them. I can spoil them because I have the means to, not because I wish to purchase affection from them. And some children I have spent time with are so starved for love that it makes me hurt for them. I never pass judgment or make them feel anything other than cared for when they are with me. I have made bonds with some kids in my life and I really love that.

My partner has two WONDERFUL children. They are both in their teens. I love spending time with them whenever we get the chance to. They both love spending time with me. They call me independently of calling their father, to seek advice or just to say hi. It is great. But they both know I am a friend and an advocate for them, not a person trying to raise them. They reach out to me because I always make myself available to them. I have cooked meals for my BF’s son and done hair and makeup with my BF’s daughter. I have also held them both when they have cried. As I am with most people, I try to be there for them when they need me.

Some people think that unless you personally breed you will always be jealous of what they have. Let me tell you what I have – I have the freedom to do whatever I please. I can travel, I can explore, and I can be with just me whenever I want. I made a choice a long time ago that I just didn’t want to give up my freedom. Maybe that sounds selfish, but with all my nieces and nephews I figured my sister took care of the kid thing for both of us ;)

There will never be a time when I regret not having kids because I know who I am. I feel great about my life; my job is fun and satisfying (not to mention pays me an arm and a leg and with my stocks I will be rich one day soon, heh). I have a lovely home, drive a fucking fantastic race car, travel when I please and shop even more than I travel. But way more importantly – I have a wonderful, supportive family, an amazing partner, the most beautiful friends – and I have me. More than any Princess could ever wish for.

What a Waste

Some people, well, they just aren't nice. That is me being polite. What I really want to say may be just too brutal. I can not understand people's greediness, the need to be hurtful, and the unbelievable ability some people have to be selfish. People who think only of themselves and ways they can fuck others over make me feel so sad. Pity is lame, and yet it is what I feel for some (well really just one).

Lately I have been loosely involved with a pretty nasty situation. The hard part, for me anyway, is that I can't stop trying to figure out a way to make it all better. See, it is in my nature to TRY. It is killing me that all I can do is throw money at it. I want to be more helpful, more resourceful, and more proactive. But I made a promise to beware of toe-stepping and not to rough anybody up. I don’t make promises lightly.

So I do what I can. I know that the situation will be resolved and good will triumph over evil (it HAS to). The evil will pay and I will secretly do my white hat dance, most likely in nothing but the hat.

Most times life feels wonderful. Some days, life is challenging. How do you balance all that comes your way? Take on today, leave tomorrow alone and resolve that yesterday is done. I am not always good at this, but I keep trying.

Kisses

PS - I miss my Best Friend!

I Do

People pointing
Finger-painting the world
Leaving me the siloheutte of my life
And I'm filling in the negative space with positively everything

I do, I do
And it's all because of you
I do, I do
And it's all because of you

It's not emotion that I feel for you
It's not devotion that I want from you
I want someone to follow who doesn't lead the way
I want someone to listen who won't repeat what I say
And I'm filling in the negative space with positively everything

I do, I do
And it's all because of you
I do, I do
And it's all because of you

Sins, sins and more sins

OK, to start...I have gained weight since I quit smoking (I use the word quit lightly). It is bothering me despite the fact that I knew it would happen. I am now back OP with WW and it will take a few months to get the weight off but it will happen damn it. I won’t disclose how much I weigh or what I gained but it is way more than I thought it would be and I am done. That being said I will give only positive updates from here on out.

Now, why do I use the word "quit" lightly? Because I cheat. That's right, I am a cheater. One here, one there...they add up. Since I know it is purely emotional I need to figure this out. My BF is nothing but supportive here (except when I cheat and walk by him and he says "ewwww, you stink".) I hate the habit; it smells bad, tastes bad and feels bad. So why am I doing the cheating thing? I just have no other answer except I have done it for 23 years and old habits are a bitch to break. I will keep on it though, it is important to me not to return to the pack a day walking cancer victim.

The holidays, awww the holidays. They ROCKED. From Thanksgiving through New Years I loved them all. I am a spoiled Princess (you all know that though) and on top of all the wonderful things bestowed upon me I got to visit with everyone I love over the 6 week period. Plus I had a 10 days vacation with my BF! We were both able to take some time off work, visit with friends and family and generally relax and enjoy. It was awesome, especially seeing BOTH his kids. That was the best.

I generally think New Years Resolutions are BS cause no one I know every stick with them so I am not going to commit here (I did see one blog resolution – 5 in ’05 which I thought was inspiring and witty and I wish her much success!) but I will say this:

I am resolved to be a kinder and gentler person this year. I will respect and love those around me and I will give out to the world what I wish to receive in return.

Oh and I resolve to call my Best Friend more often too!

Kisses