Break It Down Again

Been remiss in writing the last few days. I have been very busy between work and, umm, work...

It is clear that the last KIT was really good for me. It was the exact lift I needed to stay positive and in motion. I have no problem making the treatment a regular every 4-6 weeks addition to my therapy routine. The effects are profound and delightful.

I have recently begun EMDR. It is possibly the most intense therapy I have ever participated in. Without fail, I find myself lightly crying after each stimulation set as I discuss what I am noticing. Images, memories, and thoughts come quickly and at times it is very hard to articulate back to my therapist what has happened during stimulation. However, it is moving very quickly and at times, painfully, into darker tunnels that I need to discover. In all honesty, I am both excited and scared. Pandora's box, you know?

Yesterday I visited my previous employer. I love popping in to say hello to past co-workers and hearing about what is new with both the company and in their lives. While chatting with one person, she gave me a really big hug and said: "I have been reading your blog." I replied with "oh?" and then "OH!". My immediate gut reaction was that the woman - who is very high-functioning and successful - likely thought less of me due to my mental health issues. I assumed that she was shaming me. The reality of the situation was that she was letting me know that she cared, that she supported me and that she thought I was brave to share my story. I have to constantly remind myself that putting my issues out here, for anyone to read, doesn't automatically mean that the people who read it will shun me. That most, in fact, will show their love, sympathy, and understanding. This is the world I want to live in. 

Some people ask, "where have you been?"
My answer short, "I've been within"
And if they nod and walk away
They do not hear the words I say

xoks