We are all a little mad here. It is nearly impossible not to be at least a bit broken. Generationally I believe that we are working to raise children better than ourselves; not an easy task. I watch my friends do their very best to avoid passing on their brand of kooky to their little ones. My mother certainly tried. I don't think my father was even aware that it might be necessary to change his behavior so as not to leave his kids with wounds. He did better with his boys than his girls. That much is clear as I see those boys excelling in life in a way I can't.
The bottom line for me, I can be a heavy heart to carry. I am passionate, I love intensely and deeply. I am easily wounded and can strike out when feeling defensive. I can find many reasons to push you away if I am afraid. I have boundaries that I will set and then allow you to roll right over them with your kindness and excuses. I am highly independent but also needy. I have this True Romance, Princess Bride kind of fantasy that is simply unachievable in real life.Yet I keep trying.
I want something different for myself. I want to live outside of fantasy and feel satisfied and fulfilled with a close connection. I don't want to give up passion, great sex or real intimacy. I want to meet someone whose crazy matches mine but that means finding someone who is ready to admit to their kind of crazy and most men I have met refuse to even acknowledge their flaws. I think they feel like it is a sign of weakness. I think it is a sign of real strength.
I am flawed, I have been damaged, I own my crazy. I am human.
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