Dear chubby 8-year-old,
I hardly know what to say to you. You were so well developed by your surroundings. I always thought that you arrived much earlier in my life. I always saw myself as a gigantic 2 year-old that no one could lift so no one could hold comfortably in their arms.
Food was a huge comfort for us. While we were always emotionally expressive, the harder emotional times would lead us to eat anything that made us feel better. It felt both safe and rebellious. Especially since society was in our face telling us how important it was to be thin and beautiful.
So many of the people around us rejected, criticized and taunted us for being over-weight. They told us we lacked self-control. We lacked pride in ourself. We would never fit in, never be liked, never achieve anything in life because we were fat. Our physical appearance was more important than our mind or our heart. We believed them.
I have carried you with me for almost 40 years. I have starved myself to fit in. I spent years isolating and being self-critical for not being beautiful enough because my body was never "perfect". Even at my thinnest, it wasn't enough. I didn't have hips, big breasts or an ass (that never changes at any weight for my build.) We never achieved "perfect" because there is no such fucking thing.
So to the chubby little 8 year-old pumpkin, I bid you farewell. I no longer want us judging ourself for the shape of our body. I want to find beauty and peace in our skin. I want to let go of all the mistreatment we encountered growing up as a result of not embracing what others thought we should look like. I want you, in particular, to know you were as perfect as any other little 8 year-old out there and let all the shaming wash away.
Welcome little one to our adventure of loving us just the way we are.
No comments:
Post a Comment