Monday, May 01, 2017

Love Is The Drug

This past Saturday I had my first booster since my initial six treatments. It was intense. While going through infusions every two days, you are building up K in your system, so while the experience is wild, you are sort of prepared. Not so much when it's been over a month and you get your top dose. 110 mgs and I was in a new world.

That being said, it was a beautiful place. I felt safe there. The processing in my head was very different than other times but it was also refreshing. It focused a lot on me as an individual. On the fact that if I am going to stick around, I need to be of use to other people in pain. That my job here isn't done.

The other main thought was that I didn't truly miss any of my previous partners. What I missed was the attention, the sex, the affection, the promises, the fantasy. That isn't to say that the men in my life weren't worth the time we spent together, most of them absolutely were, but I am not sure I have met a partner who was on the same path or shared the same long-term desires that I have. The chemicals between us were just not enough. 

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