I have boundary issues. I can think them up, decide to set them, put them out to the universe or whatever and then...who can stick to these things?
Obviously, there are personal boundaries I will never give up on and when someone sets a boundary with me, I will respect it but when I set one? So frustrating. I stay awake some nights figuratively banging my head against the wall trying to understand my inability to hold onto my well laid-out plan of self-care and emotional protection. I know others struggle with this issue. I know I am not alone in my fucked inconsistency. I want to understand why humans torture themselves with what would seem like the simple action of "nope, not doing this lame thing anymore because it hurts me and my ability to have a healthy mind and spirit so, nope."
What drives us to be so emotionally masochistic? As a teenager, angst and pain were a tool to write maudlin love songs and display how Sylvia Plath-like we thought we were. As an adult, it isn't even a good diet technique. Do I have to spray paint the words on my wall so I can remind myself every day that I set boundaries for my own benefit? Do I get a tattoo in screaming lettering - BOUNDARIES - across my forehead and lift my bangs in the morning to ensure I am on course? There has to be an easier (and less painful) way to get my head and heart working in sync.
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